


PAX: That Time Delirious Went and Didn't Tell Anyone

by WatchAndLearnKid



Category: H2OVanoss - Fandom
Genre: Delirious tries to be sneaky, M/M, Undercover, he's gay, it works
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-02
Updated: 2015-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-02 12:49:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 39,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4060636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WatchAndLearnKid/pseuds/WatchAndLearnKid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So, some of the crew are at PAX East and Delirious really wants to go, but doesn't want anyone to know. He goes with Luke under a different name so he can meet his friends without giving away his identity. Luke warns him to not take it too far, but he can't help it. Things happen that he never expected and he's left with a hard decision.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Boston

"That is the the worst idea you have ever had." Luke threw his hands in the air searching for the words to explain how fucking ridiculous his best friend sounded.

"It is not. No one knows what I look like. What could go wrong?" Jonathan said and looked at Luke, waiting for his retort.

Luke laughed, "Are you serious? What could go wrong? Uhh, everything. They could recognize your voice, a stranger could recognize your voice, and God forbid if you laugh out in public. That's a dead giveaway right there. Then you would be exposed and pissed off because I'll tell you I told you so."

"I think you're overreacting. Big time." Jonathan grinned. "I've been working on my laugh. I can giggle without sounding like my normal self. And I've been working on my speech so I don't slur my words. I just gotta think it through before I open my mouth."

"I don't know. I don't think it's a good idea. I mean, I want you to go. And you can, but you should tell them. That way you don't have to go through all this trouble to hide. Just meet them." Luke pushed his hands together in prayer, hoping Jonathan would reconsider, but the look on his face that he knew so well said otherwise.

"No, Luke. I don't want them to know. I want to meet them more than anything, but I want to stay a secret. I don't want things to change if they know my face."

Luke groaned and rubbed his eyes. "You are the weirdest person I've ever known. Your face will not change your relationship with your friends. Why can't you understand that?"

Jonathan sat back in his chair, "Just let me do this. Just this once. I won't ask anything else of you. For a while at least."

He winked and Luke rolled his eyes, "Fine. But do not under any circumstances get too close to any of them. I know you've been working on not acting like yourself, but if you get comfortable around any of them, you'll probably slip and they'll know. That's all I ask."

Jonathan nodded, "I gotcha. Don't get too close. I can do that."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

* * *

"Nervous yet?" Luke glanced over at him as they grabbed their luggage and rolled it through the airport.

Nervous was an understatement. Jonathan was almost shaking with anticipation but he wouldn't let Luke know that or else he'd lock him up in the hotel room for three days so he wouldn't say anything stupid.

"I'm excited, actually." He lied, partially. Yes, he was excited, but he was also so anxious it was putting knots in his stomach.

"Good. We're gonna have a ton of fun since this is your first convention. But we need to discuss your backstory, that way when everything starts tomorrow you won't get tongue tied when someone asks you what your name is or where you're from." Luke held the door open for him and followed him into the taxi. Snow was starting to fall as the sky got darker with the time. The con started tomorrow morning and he was supposed to be meeting up with Lui and then head in and find everyone else.

He was going to have to leave Jonathan on his own at some point and he was dreading it. Jonathan was a very smart guy, but he was also spontaneous and a very spur of the moment kind of guy. If he met a new person and they asked him to tag along somewhere, he would do it in a heartbeat.

He made friends easily and was an extremely approachable guy, but it wasn't always a good thing. He could get lost, abducted, murdered.

"Luke, I'll be fine." Jonathan pulled him from his thoughts as the taxi pulled up in front of the hotel. "I can practically hear you thinking."

They got out and retrieved their bags from the trunk. Luke stopped and sighed after the car pulled away. "I just don't want anything to happen to you out there."

Jonathan chuckled to himself and started to roll his belongings along behind him. "I'm a grown guy. I think I can handle myself. Besides, I'll be surrounded by a bunch of nerds who will be way too invested in the games and not trying to carry me away to their mom's basement."

"That's not funny." Luke deadpanned and checked them in.

"It was a little funny." Jonathan said once they were in the elevator.

Luke held back a smile, "Okay, yeah. But seriously, don't get carried away."

"Like, ' _don't get carried away_ '? Or ' _don't let someone carry me away_ '?" Jonathan raised a brow as Luke slid the key card in the door and let them in.

"Both."

"What's here that I would get carried away with?" Jonathan asked and plopped down on the bed. It was late and he was tired of travelling. This was why he didn't go places often.

"Evan."

Jonathan cut his eyes over at his friend. "Shut the fuck up."

"I'm not the one who has a huge man crush on him." Luke grinned slyly.

Jonathan huffed, "Just because I admire the fuck out of him doesn't mean I have a crush on him. He's a really good friend and he's nice."

Luke kicked his shoes off and got comfortable on his bed. He flipped the tv on. "Whatever. I know that's why you wanted to come so bad. So you could see him."

Jonathan sat up and rubbed his eyes with an irritated groan.

"Tell me I'm wrong." Luke said and smiled when Jonathan flipped him the bird before pulling his clothes off and crawling under his covers. He never said a word.

"I knew it." Luke laughed.

"Fuck you."

* * *

Jonathan woke before Luke did and pulled the curtains open to find that the sun hadn't even come up yet, but it was close. He made himself a hot shower and got in, fiddling with the miniature shampoo and conditioner. They always amused him.

He stood there under the hot water in thought for what seemed like an hour. Thinking.

Luke wasn't wrong. He had always had an attachment to Evan ever since he started playing with him all those years ago. They had gotten close and he didn't know when it happened, but it did. He started getting anxious waiting on Evan to get online and play. At one point he began to get jealous for absolute stupid reasons. Like if someone jumped in the car with Evan before he had the chance to while they played GTA. It was aggravating to say the least. He didn't want it, because Evan was someone he'd never get to know. Even if he already knew him inside and out.

But that's why he was here in Boston. This was his chance to meet him without Evan ever knowing who he was. It was a perfect plan. He'd have the satisfaction of finally getting to see him with his own eyes, but he could still remain anonymous. Perfect.

He grinned, pleased with himself as he rinsed the soap from his skin and got out of the shower. He dried the water on his body and ruffled his short hair before pulling his clothes on; jeans and his black VanossGaming shirt. He laced up his chucks and glanced out of the window again to find the sun finally coming up. Luke's alarm went off and the man squinted against the light in the room.

"Why are you up so early?" Luke stretched.

Jonathan shrugged. "I couldn't stay alseep." He stood, "I'm gonna run down the street and get us some breakfast. What do you want?"

"Just, whatever. You know what I like. Thanks." Luke mumbled and pulled the sheets back over him.

"A'ight then. I'll be back."

* * *

The snow had stuck over night. It wasn't thick but it was fucking cold and windy and he had to watch his step or else he'd bust his ass. He pulled his jacket a little tighter around him as he headed down the sidewalk. The city was still quiet but the amount of people out and about was increasing and he had to make room as he continued his journey. Most people looked professional, but you could definitely tell there was a con happening because in the midst of all those professionals were people dressed like he was. Jeans and a YouTuber's t-shirt, a few pins fixed on their hats and jackets. He smiled to himself.

He'd never done this. Never been to a convention before and he had a good reason not to; his anonymity. And deep down when he really thought about it, it was kind of sad considering he'd rather stay home alone in his house than get out and meet people and be a dork. He loved meeting people, honestly. But when it came down to the crew, he got nervous and he didn't feel anywhere near good enough to be a part of them. He didn't feel like he'd be welcome to hang out like they did.

Glancing back up from his distraction he nearly ran into an enormous guy, at least seven foot tall and then he saw his face. His heart pounded and he could feel the heat creeping up his neck. Breathe, holy shit. Just breathe.

Tyler held his hands out, "Whoa, sorry dude. I almost mowed you over."

Jonathan smiled and gave one of his practiced laughs that didn't feel right, but it did the job. "It's alright, man. I wasn't paying attention."

Lui popped up from behind him and smiled, "Nice shirt."

Jonathan looked down at his VG shirt and grinned, "Thanks. I've got a shirt from every one of you guys, actually."

"Really? That's awesome!" Lui clapped him on the shoulder. "Take a picture with us, dude. You're the first fan we've run into today."

"Seriously?" Jonathan asked, clearly in disbelief. These two shits were even better in person and it was fucking killing him to keep his mouth shut.

"Yeah, come on." Tyler said and stood on one side while Lui stood on his other. He smiled and it was so genuine it was hurting his face.

"You follow us on Twitter?" Lui asked and Jonathan nodded.

"I do. You'll post it on there?"

"Absolutely."

"Alright, man. I'll find it on there. Thanks, you guys are great." He kept smiling as they waved and started walking away.

"Hey, we'll have a fan meet later!" Tyler called out. "You should stop by!"

Jonathan held up his arm and waved, "I'll be there!"

He turned back around once they were out of sight and he laughed as he walked into the small breakfast joint at the corner. That wasn't what he was expecting first thing in the morning. But it proved that his plan was working, they had no idea it was him, but they appreciated him as a fan. That was enough to encourage him on.

* * *

"Okay, so your name is Liam. Not Jonathan. DO NOT CALL YOURSELF JONATHAN." Luke said as he ate out of the to-go box in his lap on the bed.

"Liam." Jonathan raised a brow, "My middle name? How creative of you. But, okay." He took a bite of his breakfast burrito. "What else?"

"You'll be from Ohio. Since no one else is from there, they won't call you on your bluff or get excited and ask you which part you live in. You live in Ohio and it's uneventful, got it?"

He nodded. "Yep, got it. What do I do for a living?"

"You play video games on the side and your job is . . . . you're a manager of a . . . . mattress firm?"

"Mattresses. That's the best you can come up with?"

Luke laughed and shrugged, "I doubt anyone will ask you anyway."

"Whatever, I think I can bullshit about it. I mean how much is there to know about mattresses?"

"I don't know. Let's get going."

* * *

It was getting close to noon and they had been wandering around for hours, checking out releases, talking to new people. Mingling. Until Luke decided it was time for him to go find Lui like he had originally planned.

"Are you sure you'll be okay by yourself?"

"Yes, Luke. I'll be fine. We'll meet back up tonight and go get some food and then go back to the hotel." Jonathan laughed at his serious face. "Just, ya know, if we run into each other and the guys are with you, act like you don't know me. Because technically you don't know who Liam from Ohio is."

"Alright. Just text me or call if you need anything." Luke said and gave him a fist bump before they parted ways and got lost in the crowds.

Jonathan was feeling good as he wandered alone through the people while they talked and laughed around him. So this is what all the hype was about. It was fun, even if he wasn't speaking to anyone, even if he was just another face in the crowd. He couldn't imagine being known, like Evan and having people come up to him non stop just to say hi. It was hard to think about and he wasn't really paying attention to where he was going because he ended up walking into a Call of Duty mini competition. It was whoever could last the longest in an online match against each other. Full teams. No respawns. He grinned and took a seat.

He picked a name for himself: Luscious Liam. He created a custom class like he usually did and he felt his hands starting to sweat as the timer counted down. It hit one and he ran, taking cover before anyone could hear his footsteps.

It didn't take long for half of the guys to go down. Cross-map grenade kills and lucky shots. He grinned as he ran, thinking about the time when that's all he used to do with Marcel. Ninjas defuses. Then there came the trick shots. And then there came Evan.

His heart thudded. It was just him and one other guy left on the map. It was clutch time. He was good at this, always had been and he wouldn't go down now. He saw the flash of a scope and heard a bullet hit beside him. He dropped to the ground, shimmying his way to safety before hopping to his feet and flanking. But he had to keep in mind that this guy was just as good if he'd survived this long. So he probably had IEDs laid out to cover his back.

He did. He spotted them in the snow as he snuck around the cliffs to where the shot had fired from. Jonathan felt his fingers tremble just slightly as the nerves took hold of him. There he was, the last guy.

He aimed and the name of his enemy flashed in red above his head and he felt his heart hit the back of his throat.

**Vanoss.**

"Holy shit . . ." He whispered, then he pulled the trigger.

* * *

The crowd around him erupted in shouts and cheers. He felt a few strange hands clap him on the back. He heard congratulations and as he stood a familiar Asian face came around the back of the station he'd been playing at. His heart was already beating at the speed of light and he didn't think he'd live to see another day.

Evan smiled and Jonathan had enough sense to let a smile cross his own face as his friend extended his hand towards him. There was silence as his brain went numb the moment his fingers slipped into Evan's hand. Literally nothing got past his ears, but he heard Evan.

"Good game, man."

Jonathan opened his mouth to speak, but his hand was shoved away by a group of people that inserted themselves in between him and his entire reason for even being there in the first place. He stood there, speechless, completely shut down and he caught Evan's eye through the small crowd for a brief moment. He watched him look away and start up conversation with the people in front of him.

He felt himself take a deep breath, his heart pounding like a drum.

It was torture. It took everything he had to move away from the small crowd that had gathered around Evan. He backed away because that wasn't who he was. He wasn't one to throw himself at someone he admired and make himself look like a complete fanboy in the process. It was embarrassing and when it came to meeting Evan, he was too shy anyway.

Jonathan stood off to the side with the tiny trophy someone had put in his hand for winning at some point, until a new crowd moved in to play and he was pushed further away from the one person he wanted to be close to. But there was nothing he could do so reluctantly, he turned and walked away.

It was kind of funny when he thought about it. Luke was right. He had a ridiculous embarrassing crush like a kid and his heart was jumping at the thought of him. He saw him, shook his warm hand, and that was as close as he was going to get.

It wasn't so funny anymore when he thought about it. Because it kind of hurt. If Evan had known it was him, would he have shook his hand and forgot about him just as easily?

It didn't matter. Evan _did_ know who he was even if it wasn't as personal as he wanted, they were still the closest of friends.

Maybe Luke was right. Maybe he should've just told them he was coming. He should've at least told Evan and then maybe he wouldn't be walking away from him like a shamed idiot. He hadn't expected to choke at the fucking sight of him.

He was so stupid.

"Hey! Wait up!"

Jonathan heard heavy footsteps coming up behind him and turned only to feel his heart set off on a marathon once again as Evan came jogging towards him with a smile on his face. "Liam, right?"

Jonathan gathered his thoughts as practiced and smiled back before he said, "Yeah, it's Liam."

"I didn't mean to leave you hanging back there. They uh, kind of surrounded me all of a sudden. You played great, dude." Evan said nicely and Jonathan twisted his fingers around in his hand nervously. He was starting to sweat so he shrugged out of his jacket.

He gave a small smile. "No, dude. It's fine, totally understandable. I didn't want to get in the way."

Evan grinned when he saw Jonathan's shirt. "You weren't in the way of anything. It was actually _them_ that were in the way."

Jonathan's mouth was dry. "Of what?"

"In the way of me trying to talk to you." Evan gave one of his short breathless laughs. "Come on, man. You kicked my ass in Call of Duty, that's pretty fucking impressive. Why would I shake your hand and just blow you off?"

Jonathan felt his face heat up, "I uh, don't know? Because I'm no one and I really have no idea why I even came here. I'm just a really big fan of yours and I admire you and I never thought I'd run into you and I'm really really nervous and I'm talking like a crazy person now wow holy shit. I've never been to a con before either so I'm fucking overwhelmed right now."

Jonathan took a breath and Evan was holding back a smile and he had no idea what that little cheeky grin was doing to him.

"Hey." Evan placed one of his firm hands on his shoulder. "It's alright. I was extremely nervous when I went to my first one, too. I didn't know anyone and didn't have any idea what I was doing."

He pulled a sharpie from his back pocket and pulled the cap off with his teeth. "Can I sign your shirt?"

"What- oh, um. Yeah, that'd be awesome." Jonathan said and chewed at his lip as Evan picked out a spot on the white V of his shirt. His left hand gripped him lightly on his side to hold him and his shirt steady and if Jonathan wasn't decidedly gay before then he undoubtedly was now.

He watched him sign Vanoss upside down and grinned when he added a smiley face.

"There." Evan stood tall once more, two inches taller than Jonathan, and admired his signature. Jonathan looked down again before he glanced up and caught his eye.

"Thank you, I appreciate it." He smiled and looked around hesitantly. "I'm not keeping you from anything am I?"

Evan shook his head, "Nope." He shoved his hands in his pockets, "So, want me to show you around?"

"Really?"

"Yeah, I don't have anything else to do. And I know it's hard to believe, but I'm actually extremely awkward. Most people just want to talk about my videos and after a few years that gets boring." He shrugged, "I like to talk about other shit, too, you know?"

Jonathan laughed. Well, Liam laughed because his laugh was not his own. It was genuine, but not his own. It felt weird.

"Come on." Evan said and they fell into step beside each other and talked as they snaked through the crowd. Evan stopped them at a few setups, showing him the ropes and explaining a few things to him. Time passed way too fast for his liking and he messed mindlessly with the lanyard around his neck.

"So. You play games?" Evan glanced sideways at him and chuckled. "Stupid question, I know."

"Yes. I play games." Jonathan smirked. "Xbox and PC."

"What do you like to play?"

"I think my favourite genre is horror, but I tend to play those alone. Honestly I like everything from Call of Duty to GTA to GMOD. Wide variety. I like shooters, adventure, scares. I just like to have fun." Jonathan said and slipped his jacket back on as they left the building. Evan did the same, pulling his black pea coat around him.

"Same for me. I guess you know that, though."

"Yeah, I do. I've been watching your stuff for as long as I can remember. You and all the other guys."

Evan's breath formed a cloud in front of him. "Who's your favorite?"

Jonathan shrugged nonchalantly. "Gee, I don't know. Who do you think?"

Evan laughed at his sarcasm, "So it's me?"

"Yeah, you're kind of the reason I got back into gaming. You and Delirious." Jonathan said and braced himself. "I know you probably get hounded by questions about him, but have you ever met him?"

Evan shook his head, "It's alright. No, I've never met him. I'd really fucking like to, but I'll always leave that up to him whenever he wants to show his face. That's his choice."

Jonathan nodded, trying not to laugh at the fact that Evan had no idea who he was talking to. "You guys seem close."

Evan grinned crookedly, "I have more fun with him. But don't tell any of the others that. And yeah we're kind of close. We talk everyday pretty much even if we don't play. We text and Skype all the time." He shrugged. "It is kind of frustrating that he's the only one I haven't met yet. I've debated just flying down and showing up on his doorstep, but he'd probably kill me."

Evan gave an unsteady laugh and Jonathan was feeling the heat in his face again. Evan had considered flying down to meet him without his permission and that alone had him reeling. It was twisting knots in his stomach just thinking about opening his door on a random Wednesday and seeing Evan just standing there with a smug grin on his face.

"Nah, I don't think he'd kill you. He'd be pretty fucking surprised, I'm sure. Then he'd probably give you a big bear hug." Jonathan licked his lips, "He seems like a softy."

"He does." Evan agreed, looking off at the buildings in the distance. "He talks a lot of shit, but I know how nice of a guy he actually is."

"Well, I hope you get to meet him one day." Jonathan grinned and Evan stared at him for more than two seconds this time. He got stuck looking back and bit his tongue, making his eyes look elsewhere. The concrete. Yeah the sidewalk was looking extra grey today, how nice.

Evan's phone went off and he watched him answer the call.

"Hello? Hey, no I'm outside walking around with a friend." Evan glanced at him and winked. Jonathan was about to lose it. "Oh my God, Tyler. Just meet me where we said we would. I'll be there in a little while. Yeah. No. OKAY. Tell Lui he can suck my ass." He paused and laughed at the noise on the other end of the call. "Yeah, yeah. I'll get there when I get there. Bye."

"You need to go?" Jonathan asked and Evan nodded.

"Fan meetup in about an hour, we'll tweet the location. I need to go find the guys." Evan stuck his hands back into his pockets and headed back towards the building. "I'll see you there?"

Jonathan snapped his fingers at him, "Absolutely. It was nice meeting you, Evan."

Evan smiled, "Likewise . . .  _Liam_."

He turned and disappeared into the building, into the crowds and Jonathan was left stuck with the feeling of Evan's eyes raking over him before he had turned to go. And that smile, it was flirtatious. The way he had said his name. _Liam._

_Did Evan like him?_

Hold up.

_Did Evan like guys?_


	2. Get Lost

"Evan! Over here!"

He heard his name being called in the crowd and he stood on his toes until he saw Craig's face smiling back at him. Evan waved and made his way over to the group of guys that had formed for the fan meet. The wind gave a cold gust and he shivered underneath both of his jackets. It was still nothing compared to Canada but it bit at his face just the same.

"Hey guys." Evan smiled and gave everyone a nod as they formed a small circle. "What's up?"

"Just hanging around until the fan meet." Craig said and moved back and forth on his feet to keep warm.

"Where's your friend?" Tyler asked him and Evan looked around half expecting, secretly hoping, that the guy was around but he wasn't.

"He said he'd stop by later after we tweet it out." He said and Luke caught his eye.

"Do we know this friend of yours?" Cartoonz asked and Evan shook his head.

"No, I just met him like two hours ago. He's uh, pretty cool though." Evan said trying to play it off and for the next twenty minutes he tried not to crane his neck every five seconds looking around for him.

He didn't usually get attached to anyone In particular when he met new people, but the guy was very familiar and he could relate to him. That made it easier to talk to him and in an industry such as this it was hard to find someone who he could get along with so easily. Most people he met liked to talk videos and numbers when all he really wanted to do was find someone that didn't like to talk about that at all. He wanted someone to just simply talk to him about . . . everything. He wanted someone to talk to him like he was a normal guy. And Liam did.

Lui and the guys tweeted out the location and pretty soon a number of people started to gather to talk and take pictures with them. Evan shook hands and smiled at numerous people but he wasn't feeling it. To be honest, he was tired already and it was only day one. Their panel was tomorrow and he wasn't particularly looking forward to that either. He didn't like being social, but being who he was it was kind of called for.

Evan stood off to the side and sighed against the cold air thinking about a hot shower and some peace and quiet.

"You look like you're having so much fun." A familiar sarcastic voice said from behind him and he turned to find Liam grinning at him.

"Hey." He smiled, feeling his uneasiness fade. "I was starting to think you wouldn't show."

Liam raised his brows in mock surprise, "Me? Stand you up?  _Never_."

The guy broke into a pretty smile and Evan couldn't break his gaze from it or his eyes that were just as blue as his jacket that was pulled tight around his fit body. Liam was pretty. Very pretty and he couldn't deny how attracted to him he'd been when he first saw him. It usually didn't hit him that hard, but the guy was extremely down to earth and that made it worse.

"So." Liam interrupted his thoughts. "How's everything going?"

Evan shrugged, "It's going fine. Just a lot of picture taking and talking. We're about to wrap it up though."

"Oh, well that's cool." Liam said and Evan could tell he felt out of place standing there with him. He kept glancing at everyone else. It was cute how uncertain he was.

"Come on." Evan said and tugged at his arm. Liam swallowed nervously. "Guys. This is Liam."

Tyler and Lui broke through and gave him a hand shake and a small hug immediately. "Hey, man! You made it."

Jonathan finally relaxed and laughed, "Yeah, I told you I'd stop by. Sign my shirt?"

"Hell yeah." Lui said and pulled a marker from his jacket. Once he was done he passed the marker around until he had eight more signatures on his VG shirt. He grinned at them as they chatted and joked. He caught Luke's eye and gave him a wink, which he knew was setting his friend on fire by the glare he was discreetly giving him behind the guys' backs.

Evan answered the phone that was buzzing in his pocket and he felt blue eyes watching him. "Hello? Hey, man. No, that's fine, I'll meet you there. See you in a few."

"Mini, Tyler, Lui." Evan said, catching their attention. "Hey, the guys for the panel want to meet up and discuss it for tomorrow."

"Alright." The three guys said their goodbyes to the others before moving through the crowd.

Evan turned and caught Liam's eye before pulling him to the side. "Listen, I don't mean to keep leaving you hanging like this."

"It's fine." Liam brushed it off. "You do what you gotta do. It's not like I'm here with you or anything. You don't have to feel obligated to drag me around."

Evan felt something flutter in his stomach. He took a leap of faith, "Come to the panel tomorrow?"

"Only if you want me to."

"I do." Evan swallowed. "I hope this isn't weird or anything. I just . . . . you're not like everyone else here."

"That  _is_  a little weird. Considering we've never met before today." Liam said before grinning again. "But since I'm just as weird as you are, I think I can make some time to come see you. Totally wasn't gonna do that anyway."

Evan watched him bite at his lower lip. Jesus, was he fucking flirting?

Evan smiled at him before giving him a good look from head to toe again, appreciating the fit of his jeans and how good his shirt looked on him. "Good. I'll see you then . . .  _Liam_."

The guy gave him a subtle wink and then backed himself into the crowd, the smile never fading from his lips. Evan was left standing there looking at the space he had occupied with a the small tingling feeling of flustered nerves. The ones that got riled up when he got excited or when he saw something he really liked.

And he really liked this guy. He reminded him of someone he'd probably never get to meet.

* * *

The rest of the night went by without a hitch. Jonathan tagged along with Luke, Brock, and the others, playing games, and meeting up with even more people. Until the sun started to fade and he started to get outrageously hungry.

"Luke, I'm starving." He said once it was just the two of them.

"I don't care."

"Wow, what crawled up your ass?" Jonathan huffed and kept walking ahead of him towards the hotel.

"I fucking told you not to get close and you fucking did it anyway." Luke pulled at his hair. "What is wrong with you?"

Jonathan spun on him, " _Me_? What's wrong with  _me_? Not a god damn thing. I'm actually having a really good time, thank you for asking. They still don't know who I am, so why the fuck are you freaking out?"

Luke rolled his eyes. "Well, Evan seems to like you a whole lot."

"So what if he likes me? I may never get the chance to do this, to get to know him, to be around him. I only have two more days to soak it in, so get off my fucking case."

His best friend stopped and sighed, running a hand over his face. "Fine, I'm sorry. Alright? I just don't want you to do something you'll regret."

Jonathan looked around for an answer to his own question, "What could possibly happen?"

* * *

It was Saturday and Jonathan was up before the sun once again. He showered, trying to control the nerves that had worked themselves into another knot in his stomach. He couldn't stop thinking about Evan or the way he'd looked at him, the way he'd smiled. It was everything he wanted and that was for Evan to like him . . . . in person. Not just as a friend to play games with on the internet. In all honesty that's why he hadn't shown his face yet, because of Evan. It was always Evan. Evan, Evan, Evan. Evan made him nervous when no one else did.

Once he was out and drying his hair with his towel, Jonathan swiped at his phone and opened his last message to Evan before typing up a new one.

J- _I forgot to ask you yesterday how the con was going. So, how's it going?_

He threw his phone down on the bed, not expecting it go off for another few hours because it was five in the morning. So when his message tone went off a minute later he brushed the hair off his forehead and joined the phone on the bed, swiping it open again.

E- _It's going really good. Met a bunch of cool people. Why are you awake?_

J- _Can't sleep. These cool people you speak of, are they cooler than me?_

E- _Everyone is cooler than you, Delirious._

Jonathan grinned as he lay in the dark.

E- _I can't sleep either._

J- _What's up?_

E- _Nothing, I just get overwhelmed with all the publicity stuff. You know._

J- _I know. Why don't you just go out by yourself tomorrow after the panel? Get lost somewhere, have fun._

E- _Yeah, that sounds like fun but you know the guys probably won't let me._

J- _Just tell them you have plans or that you're meeting someone somewhere._

Jonathan was letting his heart run off and he took a breath. Evan was quiet for a minute before he finally replied.

E- _Yeah, I might do that. I actually met someone that I want to hang out with without everyone breathing down my neck._

J- _That's cool. You should do that. Go get some pizza and chill out. :)_

E- _Don't say pizza. It's only 5am._

J- _PIZZAAAA! FOOOOOOD!_

E- _Fuck you. Now I'm hungry, thank you._

J- _You're welcome._

E- _Dick. We haven't played together in a while. I'm having withdrawals._

Jonathan felt the heat run through him at Evan's words.

J- _Awwww :')_

E- _Shut up. I miss you, man. We should definitely play some FarCry 4 when I get home._

J- _Yeah I guess I miss you, too. :P Sounds like a plan. Get some sleep, Evan. Have fun today, I'll be watching your panel._

E- _Alright, I'll try. Text you later, loser._

J- _Peace._

Jonathan stretched out across his bed with a smile plastered to his face. He'd talked Evan into maybe going out with him later and he didn't even know it yet. Was he an asshole for that?

Nah.

* * *

"Hashtag friendship."

The crowd laughed lightly. Christ, these people were so not into it and neither was he. Evan was searching everyone's face while he wasn't talking or laughing at one of the guys. It was so awkward and he was ready to get the hell out to be honest. Delirious' advice had been on his brain ever since he said to get lost somewhere and have fun. But he had to find the guy he wanted to get lost with first.

He scanned the crowd again and in the very back he finally caught sight of a pretty smile and blue eyes that were burning holes into his. Evan smiled against his will and lifted two fingers in a wave that Liam returned. The butterflies were doing aerial stunts in his gut and the panel wouldn't finish up fast enough. He damn near avoided his own friends when it was over just to slide through the crowd and find the guy that was giving his nerves a run for their money.

Why was he so attractive? Why was he so nice? Why was he turning out to be all the things he wanted in a guy?

"Hey." Liam said, tucking his hands nervously into his pockets. Evan noted the Delirious shirt he was sporting as he looked him up and down, soaking up the sight of him. Liam realized and looked down before breaking into a grin.

He held up a hand, "Don't worry, Delirious is only  _second_  on my list of man crushes."

Evan laughed and slipped his fingers around his smooth forearm, "Weird. He's second on mine too."

"Only second?" Liam raised a brow teasingly as he let Evan lead him through the crowd and out into the building's lobby.

"Well, you can say it's a tie right now between him and someone else."

"Oh? Am I gonna get to find out who? I won't spread the word, I promise." Liam said and made a motion of zipping his lips with his fingers.

"I might let you know. I'll have to think about it." Evan grinned and pulled his jacket on as they stepped outside into the cold. "Wanna get out of here for a while?"

Liam bit at his lip in thought, "What would we do? I don't know anything about Boston."

"Neither do I. Let's just go."

Liam laughed and shook his head at him, "You don't even know me and you want to just go get lost?"

Evan looked down at his feet, thinking about the possible consequences of what this night could end up bringing him. Then he looked back up at Liam and whatever he came up with left his brain and he smiled instead. "I'd like to get to know you. And I don't want to get to know most people. So, get lost with me please."

Liam tilted his head, "Okay. As long as neither of us end up dead in an alleyway or wasted in someone else's hotel room."

"Deal."

* * *

"Favorite platform?" Evan asked as they waited for their drinks in the pizzeria they'd happened upon.

"Xbox."

"Favorite color?"

"Blue."

"Favorite food?"

"Pizza." Liam smirked and Evan was chewing at the inside of cheek, curling his fingers into a fist beneath the table.

"Favorite thing to do?"

"Stare at the ceiling and listen to music. You know, daydreaming." Liam sipped at his drink when their waitress sat them on the table. "If I'm not working, or gaming, I'm lying in bed just thinking with headphones on. I'm wasting my life away."

Evan stared at him for a moment trying to comprehend the fact that the guy just described his own favorite thing to do. It was fucking ridiculous. Liam was getting better and better and Evan really wished he would stop. He wished he would stop brushing his hair back with one hand, stop fucking with the condensation on his glass with his slim fingers, stop running his blue eyes over him.

"What's your middle name?"

Liam grinned slowly. "Liam _is_  my middle name."

Evan sat up straighter, "Oh. Well, you just got ten times more interesting. So how bad is your first name that you go by your middle one instead?"

Liam shook his head, "It's a very basic normal name. My middle name just stuck better I guess."

Evan was waiting for a name to leave his lips but it never did, he just sat there with a smug look. "So you're not going to tell me?"

"I'm not. Sorry."

Evan leaned forward placing his elbows on the table, resting his chin in his hands. "It's fine. I won't tell you who's tied for first place."

"Well, that's disappointing. I was dying to know." Liam said nonchalantly, his tongue flicking out to wet his lips.

_Stop it._

Evan felt the heat on the back of his neck. Even his lips were pretty. The way he ate his pizza was pretty. The way he swallowed.

* * *

"You know, I've never done this." Jonathan said and he couldn't stop his shoulder from brushing Evan's as they walked down a busy street in the dark. Headlights occasionally illuminated everything around them, showing them the historic buildings surrounding them in all their dark glory. "With anyone."

"Neither have I." Evan responded softly, letting his step fall an inch closer to him until their arms were flush against each other.

"This is all extremely surreal right now." Jonathan sighed and looked up at the night sky.

"Why?"

Jonathan gave a small laugh and looked over at him. "Because I'm walking the streets of Boston, lost, with a guy that I've admired for years and never thought I'd get to meet. I'm the kind of guy that's always wanted to meet some of the people that have had a huge impact on my life, but I'm also the kind of guy that would rather stay home than bother with it. Because I'm just one person in a massive group of other people that want the same thing. So the fact that I'm here right now with you is a fucking dream. It could have been anyone, but it's me." He shrugged. "Pretty surreal."

Evan looked at him for a moment before taking a deep breath. "I don't really know what it is about you . . . . I come to these cons and I leave without meeting anyone worth staying friends with, but I meet you and I feel like I know you and I know that's weird. You just have this familiar vibe and I never feel that with anyone. You're easy to talk to, you're fun. I can relate to you on an unbelievable level and it's kind of scary because I just fucking met you. I've never met a fan and actually remembered their name and their face and what color their eyes were."

Jonathan felt his heart trying to punch it's way through his chest. "So what you're saying is that I'm special?"

Evan laughed and nodded, "Yeah. I hope that doesn't make you uncomfortable."

"Not at all." Jonathan looked around, starting to feel uneasy. He wanted to feel uncomfortable with the fact that he was lying to his face. That he was lying to him yet keeping his arm pressed firmly against his. Even as they crammed into a cab together once they had wandered too far into a dark quiet area with suspicious noises. He wanted to feel uncomfortable with the fact that Evan wanted to walk him down to his hotel to say goodbye. And he wanted to feel it more than anything when Evan's breath ran across his face with the cold night air as they stood close for warmth.

He wanted to be so fucking uncomfortable with it but he wasn't.

"Goodnight, Liam." Evan smiled at him and for a moment Jonathan thought he was leaning in. For a moment he felt his own body moving towards his, but he blinked and fell back onto the balls of his feet, taking a step back. He cut his gaze away from Evan's deep brown eyes and licked his lips, telling himself that it was for the best not to. It would be wrong to and he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he let it happen. If he let this go any further.

"Goodnight, Evan." He said and took another step back.

"Meet me tomorrow night?"

"Where?"

"Dave and Buster's with the guys. Seven o'clock."

Jonathan nodded, "I'll be there."

Evan gave him one more smile and hopped into the next cab. He watched him fade around the next corner then he let out a groan of frustration. "Holy fuck."

He turned and made his way into the hotel to find Luke fast asleep. The sheets beckoned him and he fell asleep within minutes of falling into them. It didn't last long though and soon he was lying awake on his phone trying not to hit send on the message he'd typed up for the only person he seemed to text the last few months. But he hit it anyway.

J- _Soooo, what did you have for dinner?_

E- _It's two in the morning. Why are you awake? Again._

J- _Dude, you should know by now that I hardly ever sleep._

E- _That's very true._

J- _Why are **you**  awake?_

E- _I don't know._

J- _Was dinner that bad?_

E- _Lol. No, we had pizza._

J- _Nice! I had pizza, too. Great minds think alike._

E- _I have a question for you._

J- _Yeah?_

E- _Okay. You like a person, but you just met them and you only have one more day to spend with them before you go home. What the fuck do you do?_

J- _Wow. Dinner must have been awesome then. Lol, um. I have no idea. Let them know? Keep in touch when you leave? Have you considered a long distance relationship?_

E- _No, I haven't. This literally happened all within 24 hours and I have no idea how to handle it._

J- _I don't know what to tell you, Evan. Just have fun with them on your last day and when the time comes you can talk about it. Don't worry about it until then._

E- _Okay. I'm still not going to be able to sleep._

J- _Put your headphones on and close your eyes._

E- _Oh yeah. I forgot that works, lol. That's what you should do, too, then._

J- _I will. Goodnight, Evan. Or morning. Whatever._

E- _Goodnightmorning, Delirious._

Jonathan sighed and grabbed his headphones, slipping them over his ears and pressing play on his phone. Every song that filtered through his ears conjured up an image of Evan in his head and it pulled him into a light sleep that consisted of his friend's lips and his fingers and his smile as he pulled him by the hand into a crowd of faceless people. When he woke the next morning and stepped into the scalding water of his shower that's all that was on his mind.

_Evan fucking Fong._

Maybe he had gotten just a little in over his head.

How was he supposed to say goodbye?


	3. Crossing the Line

"Okay, so you pretty much went on a date with him last night." Luke said, all emotion wiped from his face.

Jonathan didn't understand why he was getting so worked up over it. "It wasn't a date. We just hung out and got to know each other."

"You _already_ know each other."

Jonathan rubbed his face, "Luuuuuke. We hung out and we're going to hang out again tonight. And I'm going to enjoy myself and my friends and then we'll be on a plane the next morning. No harm done."

Luke closed his eyes and took a calm breath. "Whatever you say."

He stood and pulled his jacket on, leaving the room and Jonathan who sat there in silence for a few moments before following him down to the lobby. They walked in silence for a while before Luke looked over and grinned at him, returning to his normal cheerful mood.

Jonathan smiled, "I knew you couldn't stay mad at me."

"Not mad at you. Just . . . concerned." Luke said and looked over at him worridly. "Be extra careful tonight. Don't slip up and don't take it further than it needs to go."

"Okay. I'll be extra careful, just for you." Jonathan bumped his shoulder and got a grin out of his best friend before they reached the con and parted ways. Since it was the last day, Jonathan figured he'd actually try to experience some things instead of worry about Evan.

So he followed the schedule and met Major Nelson. Two in the afternoon rolled around and he went to the discussion and gameplay of Killer Instinct where he met a few guys that were on his level when it came to gaming. He got their gamertags, but gave them one if his side accounts instead of his real one for obvious reasons.

Then he made his way to the Minecraft setup where there was a meet and greet followed by a chance to play and build. He was in the middle of creating a giant hockey mask in the sky when he heard a familiar voice behind him. "You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd say Delirious was your favourite."

Jonathan smiled and without turning around he said, "Yeah, but you know better. Besides, a hockey mask is much easier to do than an owl. Just so you know."

Evan gave an amused hum. "Noted."

"Join me." Jonathan said and pointed to the empty station next to him. "Let's build something epic together."

Evan smiled down at him and shifted his seat closer to him, until their shoulders were pressed together and Jonathan could feel his warmth seeping into his skin. He watched him from the corner of his eye as he loaded up his game and joined his world. It took a moment for them to find where the other was but when they reunited they made it their mission to build an insane rollercoaster like no one had ever seen.

And so they began.

"Okay we only have an hour tops to finish this so let's not fool around." Jonathan said and Evan gave him a serious nod. And for the next hour they did a speed run, throwing rails together in the sky and even going so far as to make tunnels in the ocean for dramatic effect.

It was very much like the time almost two years ago when they did this exact thing. Jonathan remembered it well, staying up for hours upon hours with only Evan, pranking each other and building a ride that they were proud of. Even if it ended up being completely pointless. It was time spent alone with him and he cherished that because lately that time was fleeting. Evan was famous and busy and Jonathan missed him.

"Aaaand, dunzo." Evan laid down the final piece and they have each other a high five.

"We are so beast."

"Definitely." Evan nudged him and Jonathan was sinking way way way too fast into the hole he had dug himself into. But all that surrounded him was Evan and he really didn't want to get himself out of it.

Evan took him by the arm and pulled him around to more discussions and panels and he didn't mind one bit because Evan was talking his head off, his mouth moving ninety to nothing. All he could do was watch in a trance as his lips curved into pretty smiles while he talked about his passions and his life.

"So what do you like to drink?"

Jonathan blinked, his focus snapped back to the present and looked Evan in the eye and not his lips. "I like liqueur, fruity drinks, and coffee flavored things. I'm not a beer guy."

"Me either. I mean, I'll drink a glass of beer but I prefer something with flavor."

"I'm the same way."

Evan smirked, "Well, I'll buy you a fruity drink tonight. How does that sound?"

"Sounds very tempting. I think I'll take you up on it."

"I was hoping you'd say that." Evan checked his watch and threw his arm around Jonathan's shoulder as they moved through the thinning crowd.

Jonathan didn't know what to do with his hands so he shoved them into his pockets as they made their way to the street for a cab. The moment they crawled into one was the moment he got extremely nervous. It was also the moment Evan let his leg press against his while they got closer to Dave and Buster's and the rest of the crew.

"Listen, before we go in there and I start throwing drinks back, you should know that I get wasted pretty easy. So, don't let me get too crazy or I won't be able to find my way back to the hotel." Jonathan said and tapped his fingers against his thigh. "And if I say anything stupid just ignore me."

Evan grinned crookedly at him, "You're afraid of embarrassing yourself?"

"Yeah." He said sheepishly.

"You do realize who all you're about to be around? There is no way you can embarrass yourself around these idiots. Trust me." Evan gave him a reassuring smile and when the cab pulled up to the curb, he got out and held his hand out for him like a gentlemen.

"Thank you, kind sir." He chuckled and as they walked through the front door he felt Evan's hand on his back. He bit at his lip, hiding a smile but not the furious blush that crept up his neck while they found the guys already playing in the arcade.

"Evan! Liam!" Lui waved them over and the battle began.

Arcade shooters were Jonathan's specialty and they started a bracket, a tournament if you will, after they ordered some food. Jonathan was beating them all out except for Lui who gave him a run for his money and ended up winning after it came down to the two of them.

"Good game, man. You're pretty legit. You have a channel or anything?"

Jonathan swallowed down another drink after Evan handed it to him with a sweet smile. He shook his head, "No, I don't."

"Well, you seem like a great gamer and you've got a sense of humor. You'd be good at it, dude." Lui beamed.

"Thanks, man. I might look into it." Jonathan said and made his way back to their table to eat the rest of his food. He was already tipsy and he was almost to a good stopping point when Mini slid into the booth next to him and insisted he try the drink he had in his hand.

"Seriously, if you like pineapples you'll love this. It's amazing." Craig said enthusiastically and slid the drink in front of him.

He laughed, took a sip, and before he could slow himself down he threw back the entire thing. He felt the burn of vodka hit his throat and clenched his fists while it slowly faded. "Whoa. Shit that is strong."

Brock stumbled up to them red-faced from his beer. "Hey, Tyler wants to go a bar just down the road. You guys wanna come?"

"As long as it's not a gay bar." Mini said and Jonathan glanced up at him. Then he heard Evan from somewhere behind him.

"What's wrong with gay bars?"

Mini held his hands up in defense at him, "Absolutely nothing, but guys cannot keep their hands off of this sexy body. That's all I'm saying."

Evan laughed, "Riiight. Anyway I'm down to go. Gay bar or not. What about you, Liam?"

"Yeah, I'm up for it." Jonathan raised his empty glass. "Just seriously, do not listen to a word I say from here on out. I'm at my limit. Any drink after this one will have me all over the place."

"What, do you have secrets you don't wanna spill?" Evan smirked and Jonathan felt the anxiety trying to work it's way in.

He took Evan's smirk and gave him a sly grin in return, "Everyone has a secret."

And his was so big and bad he would surely go straight to hell for it.

* * *

 "It's so loud in here!"

"I know! Come on, let's find somewhere quiet to sit!" Evan said over the noise and took his fingers in his while balancing their drinks in the other hand. He guided them as far from the dance floor as possible and slid them into a dark corner away from the loud crowd.

"Are you even having fun?" Evan asked and slid him his drink.

"I wasn't." He grinned. "But I am now."

He took a gulp and he could smell the strawberry coming off of Evan's breath. This situation was getting dangerous and he promised Luke he wouldn't let it go too far. But the way Evan was looking at him and the way his teeth slid over his lip in thought, had him wondering how far it could actually go.

"What do you do for a living?" Evan asked him and Jonathan couldn't help but laugh. He controlled the giggle and shrugged his shoulders.

"I uh, I'm a manager at a mattress firm." He said and laughed again. Turns out Luke was wrong about no one asking him that question. But like he said, he could lie.

"That sounds fun." Evan said, amused.

"It's a desk job. As much as I'd like to test out the springs all day and take naps." Jonathan said.

Evan threw his head back and laughed and Jonathan felt him place his arm over the back of the seat, his fingers played at the base of his neck. It sent a shiver down his spine and the urge to laugh true was overwhelming but he held it down and smiled instead.

Evan tilted his head, "What?"

"Nothing."

Evan leaned closer, their bodies were nearly melded at the seams and he said in his ear. "Something."

Jonathan swallowed, "Yeah, something."

"What?"

He turned his head and Evan's line of sight was switching slowly from his eyes to his mouth and he was so close to kissing him when someone fell against their table. They both jumped and in their dark corner managed to make out Tyler's tall shape and goofy grin.

"Sup guys?" He slurred. "What are you fags doing in the corner back here?"

Jonathan bristled at the word. Of all the things he'd been called, that one always set him off. And he never could ignore it or brush it off any time it left Tyler's mouth. Even when they were just screwing around in a game.

He cleared his throat and started to move to the edge of the booth, Evan's hand fell down his arm, but he didn't look back. He looked up at Tyler, who was plastered, and said, "I prefer the term homosexual, but if 'fag' is the only word in your dictionary then I suggest you go educate yourself."

Tyler was taken aback, or he looked as surprised as he could be while drunk. Either way he held his hands up in defense and stood there confused until Evan stood and glared at him.

"Thanks a lot, Tyler."

"What? I didn't know he was gay!"

"Well, since you couldn't see the obvious, he's gay and so am I." He said and he knew Tyler wouldn't remember half of the conversation the next day so he added, "And stop using the word 'faggot'. It's time to grow up."

Tyler was left standing there dumbfounded while Evan went after Liam who was already downing another drink at the bar.

"Hey, I'm sorry about-"

"It's okay." Jonathan cut him off. "You don't have to apologize for him. That's something he can do on his own. Either way, it's fine. I'm no worse for wear. Want one?" He pointed to the drink in front of him, a milky mocha color and Evan nodded before taking the seat next to him.

Jonathan rubbed his eyes and laughed to himself, "So. I'm gay."

Evan grinned, "Hi, Gay. Nice to meet you, I'm also Gay."

Jonathan laughed and Evan sipped at his drink, "Wow, that's really fucking good."

"It's a White Russian. My personal favorite."

Evan glanced around at the growing crowd. He didn't like tight spaces and by the look on his friend's face neither did he. "You wanna get out of here?"

"Yes, please." Jonathan said, relieved and let his hand slip into Evan's. The cold air hit him like a brick wall and he pulled in a lung full of fresh air after they squeezed their way out of all the warm bodies surrounding the entrance.

They walked shoulder to shoulder to help balance the other out. Jonathan hadn't been this drunk in years and everything was funny. Evan pressing the button at the crosswalk was hilarious and the fountain in the park was funnier than it should have been which was not funny at all because it was a fucking _fountain_.

"You're the first person to ever know my secret." Evan said quietly as they walked through the empty grounds of the park.

"That you're gay?"

"Yeah." Evan nodded. "Well, I told Tyler just then but the cat's only out of the bag if he remembers anything I said."

"I don't think he'd tell anyone." Jonathan looked down at his feet. "He can be a bit of an asshole at times, but he seems pretty loyal when it comes to his friends."

"True. I just wish he'd stop acting like such a typical dude. I thought all the stupid gay jokes stopped once you got out of high school."

Jonathan leaned into him, "Can we change the subject? We are too drunk to be having such serious conversations."

"Okay, what would you like to talk about?"

"I'd like to talk about the fact that I have to pee extremely bad and the fact that my hotel is too far away."

Evan laughed, "Mine's closer. Come on. I'll let you try stuff off the mini bar."

And try stuff, he did.

"God, that tastes like ass." Jonathan made a terrible face and Evan was dying with laughter, clutching his stomach from where he was laid out on his bed.

"Not like actual ass, but you know. That's so bad. Jesus." He handed it to Evan who shook head.

"I'm not going to remember hardly anything as it is. I don't need to drink anything else." He yawned and propped his head up with his pillow, letting his hand slide beneath his shirt. Jonathan followed the motion, taking note of the tan color of his smooth skin.

"Yeah, I need to stop, too. I have a nine o'clock flight to catch in the morning." Jonathan flopped down beside him and sighed.

Evan stared at the ceiling and thought hard before he said, "Can I be honest with you?"

"Of course."

"I really like you."

Jonathan felt his heart take off and when he glanced over at his friend, Evan was looking right back at him.

"I really like you, too." He rolled to his side and smiled down at him. "Not just because I'm a fanboy. I just like you in general. You're my kind of person."

"Yeah." Evan moved closer to him. "I don't do this. Ever. I'm probably the loneliest person I know. I have friends, but they all live worlds away and I just sit with myself all day thinking about where my life is going and if I'm happy doing what I do."

"Are you?" Jonathan asked and let his finger run across his hand.

"Yeah, I love it." Evan started playing with the end of Jonathan's shirt. "It's just when I'm not playing games, I realise how alone I am and I guess that's all I'm after at this point. Someone to be alone with."

Jonathan just looked down at him and he didn't know when he'd let his fingers thread through Evan's. It just happened and it felt like it should. And he didn't know when Evan had let his his arm slide beneath him, but now he felt his fingers drawing abstract shapes on his back.

"I've never met anyone like you. I mean, there's one person I talk to who I'm friends with and he understands me more than anyone. But I've never met him and I don't know if I ever will." Evan's hand found it's way beneath his shirt and he was warm to the touch.

"Maybe you should just show up on his doorstep. See what he thinks about that." He said and he could feel his heart beating in his ears. His face was red, he was sure of it.

Evan pushed himself up, "Maybe. But right now I'd rather be on yours."

Jonathan leaned in to meet his lips when Evan's hand slipped around his neck. It was soft and so much more than he had expected. Not that he expected to be lying on a hotel bed kissing him. But he was.

He was kissing Evan.

Shit.

He had crossed the line of going too far and he attempted to pull away but when he stopped and Evan opened his eyes, he dove back in turning the kiss from soft to wet with a flick of his tongue.

He was on the verge of being breathless. Evan's hands were getting more adventurous. He wrapped them around him and rolled them until his weight was pressing him into the mattress and Jonathan was spreading his legs so he could fit against him better.

Fuck, it was a thousand degrees between them and Evan was so smooth with every move he made. How could Jonathan say no?

Agreeing to consuming copious amounts of alcohol earlier was probably the worse decision he ever made because he couldn't talk himself out of his current predicament nor would he try. Evan was rutting his hips down on him and Jonathan was giving as good as he got.

Jonathan had never come in his jeans before and he wouldn't be surprised if he did tonight. He had his tongue down Evan's throat and his fingers wrapped tight around his massive arms.

He was reaching for the button on his jeans, fumbling like the nervous wreck he was when there was a banging at the door.

"Evan!" Someone yelled and proceeded to bang at the door.

"Maybe they'll give up." Jonathan said and pulled Evan closer with the heels of his feet.

Evan lifted his head reluctantly and sighed, "They won't. They did this yesterday."

He planted a firm kiss on his lips before pushing himself off of him and to his feet. Jonathan watched him readjust himself in his pants before he looked through the peephole and turned the knob.

"Evan!"

"What?"

Lui tried to look around him into the room, "You disappeared earlier, man. What happened?"

Jonathan's phone went off and he fumbled to get it out of his back pocket. He opened the message and held the screen up to his face so it would stop moving so damn much. He blinked and the words cleared. It was Luke.

_It's 1am. Where the fuck are you?_

He sat up and rubbed his face, coming back to reality. Now was his chance to go while he had a tiny bit of sense knocked into him by his best friend. Jonathan grabbed his jacket and buttoned his jeans, taking a deep breath before walking up behind Evan.

"We just wanted to know where the hell you guys took off to. We're not interrupting anything are we?" He heard Tyler say.

Before Evan could respond, Jonathan stepped out from behind him, "No, you're not. I was just leaving."

The look on Evan's face was almost enough to make him stay but he had to cut this off. The guys took a step back and let him into the hall.

Evan put a hand up when Tyler went to say something, "Guys, please. I'll see you in the morning."

Lui didn't say anything, just nodded and pulled Tyler along with him in the opposite direction. They knew they'd made him mad so they didn't push any further.

"Liam." Evan caught his arm as he went for the elevator. "Stay, please. You're too drunk to be walking around anyway."

"I want to, Evan. I just . . . I think it would be better if we didn't do this. I mean, I'm leaving tomorrow and you live in Canada. I live in . . . ." He shook his head. "I'm sorry, I've just never done anything like this before and you're literally everything I could ever want and I'm half in love with you already so I think it would just be a really good idea if I just left and-"

Evan took his face in his hands and silenced his rambling with a kiss. He heard a whistle from somewhere down the hall but neither of them cared to look for its source.

"Stay." Evan said one more time and Jonathan was absorbed in his brown eyes and he could see him pleading. He wanted him and that was enough to cut down his judgement and any clear thought of leaving that he had.

"Okay."


	4. Morning

Jonathan woke with a start, flinching slightly, and squinting against the light that was so fucking bright it was like staring into the sun.

He was sore.  _All over._

And for a moment he couldn't remember anything or where he was. Not until he acknowledged the heavy arm that was flopped over his stomach and the body it was attached to. He took a deep breath, trying to keep down the sour feeling taking over his gut. The result of too much alcohol and not enough food to balance it out.

"Fuck . . ." He said to himself as last night's events started to slowly come back to him.

He glanced over at Evan sleeping hard beside him, his head tucked against his shoulder and his leg pulled up over his. He was heavy and he was hot and Jonathan was on the verge of sweating.

He carefully moved, lifting Evan's leg and arm before scooting silently out from beneath them. Once he was on his feet he made his way to the bathroom and he almost let out a scream at the sight before him. In the mirror, he could see marks on his skin, half of which he couldn't remember. Though he remembered the ones on his neck very well from Evan pushing him against the wall as soon as he pulled him back into the room and clamped down on his neck.

He shivered at the memory.

* * *

_"Stay."_

_"Okay."_

_Next thing he knew Evan was shutting the door behind them and his back met the wall fiercely with no warning. Hands were beneath his shirt again, gripping him tight while teeth grazed his throat._

_The noises he was making were embarrassing but he couldn't stop. Then he felt weightless and realised Evan had lifted him off the floor and was spinning them until he felt the bed beneath him._

_He was too drunk for this. He wanted to remember this in vivid detail but everything was fuzzy and moving too fast. Air was leaving his lungs in massive amounts. Evan was pulling his clothes off and then he was tearing him apart inch by inch._

_He was perfect. God, he fit him so fucking well._

_Evan was fucking him like he'd only thought was possible in fantasies. He was so good, it was unreal._

_He didn't know how long they carried on, probably annoying the neighboring tenants to no end with their unrestrained cries. He didn't know. All he knew was that he'd never been fucked like this and he could never have it any other way now. He was ruined._

_"Evan . . . I'm close. So fucking close."_

_Then his mouth was on his, licking his taste from his tongue and swallowing his cries as he came._

* * *

He was half hard again just thinking about it, examining every light bruise on his body. Evan wasn't rough with him, but he was passionate and no one had ever made him feel so wanted.

A buzzing noise had him running back to the side table and clicking the reject button on his phone. His heart pounded while he waited to see if it had woke Evan, but the man simply rolled to his stomach and continued to sleep. Jonathan let out the breath he was holding and looked down at his phone.

"Oh shit. Shit, shit, shit."

His phone was reading 8:20 AM and he had ten messages and four missed calls, all from Luke.

He had a flight to catch and if he didn't leave right then and there not only would his best friend skin him alive he'd have to book a later flight.

It really started to sink in as he fumbled around looking for his clothes on the floor. He was feeling worse the longer he thought about it.

_He had sex with Evan._

"Holy shit." Jonathan stopped and rubbed his eyes. "I . . . had sex with Evan. Oh my God. Fuck . . . . just . . . the fuck is wrong with you, Jonathan?"

He pulled his clothes on in a hurry and checked himself in the mirror only to find that the hickies were still beyond visible even with his jacket on.

Evan had a scarf, somewhere. He found it thrown over a lamp in the corner of the room and wrapped it around his neck before slipping into his shoes, not even really bothering to lace them up all the way. Then he was stuck standing there at the end of the bed, conflicted, gazing at the one thing he'd always wanted but the one thing he was going to have to leave.

Should he wake him?

Should he say goodbye? Leave a note? Kiss him one more time?

_No._

He had to go. No matter how bad he wanted it, how much he loved it, he had to leave. And it was better to go while he still could, while Evan was none the wiser.

Evan would probably forget all about it in a few days and it would be like it never happened. He hoped and with a heavy heart he slid the curtains shut so his friend wouldn't be blinded when he finally woke up to an empty bed, wondering where his one night stand ran off to. Jonathan felt tears threatening. He opened the door and left without a sound. He was alone in the elevator and the ride down was ripping him to pieces. There was a lump in his throat and he made his way to the front desk where a girl was already greeting him with a smile.

"Hi, sir. How can I help you?"

"Hi." He took a deep breath and smiled back. "I want to pay for my friend's room and the minibar. But can you do me a big favor and keep it anonymous? I'd really appreciate it, I don't want them to know it was me."

He tapped his fingers on the counter and smiled at her again and he saw a blush run across her face. "I . . . absolutely. That won't be a problem."

He slid his credit card across towards her and winked, "Thank you, sweetheart."

She gave a shy smile. "Okay, so what is the name for the room?"

"Fong."

"Ah, there it is. Alright." She gave him his card back and he pocketed it. "It's taken care of. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"No ma'am. That's all I needed." He shook her hand. "Thank you, again. I hope you have a wonderful day."

"I . . . you, too." She waved as he walked away and out onto the street.

He sighed and waited for a cab as he tried to push down the lump in his throat. But it was stuck there and he really needed to call Luke and let him know he wasn't dead. God, he was going to be so pissed. He'd rather walk all the way home than deal with Luke. A cab pulled over for him and he gave the driver the name of his hotel and watched Evan's fade out of view as the car turned the corner. His heart was pounding again along with his head and his fingers were starting to shake with his anxiety.

And that's when he started to cry, a quiet sob escaped his lips and his chin trembled as he stared down at his fingers, ashamed of what he'd done, of what he'd let happen.

"You okay?" The man behind the wheel asked him and Jonathan just shook his head. He almost laughed at himself.

"I'm fine. I just . . . really fucked myself over. Probably ruined the one friendship that means the most to me."

The guy was quiet for a while as the cab neared his hotel. Jonathan wiped at his face relentlessly and as he was about to open the door after he paid, the guy turned in his seat and said, "Hey, if it's the friendship that means the most to you, you'll find a way to fix it."

Jonathan just stared at him until he accepted his words and gave him a nod as he stepped out into the cold. He wanted to believe what he said.

"Jonathan!"

Shit.

"Luke, don't." He mumbled and rubbed at his face. "Please."

Luke was storming up to him with a glare that in any other situation would've scared Jonathan shitless. But right then he couldn't be bothered because he hated himself more than he ever had and he just wanted to get away. As far away from Evan as he could get.

He caught his friend's eye and Luke's anger faded and was replaced with concern. "Are you okay? What happened?"

"M'fine."

"Like hell you are. Tell me."

Jonathan swallowed down the sickness in his throat and took a breath which did nothing to calm his nerves. "I slept with him."

Luke's mouth fell open and his eyes widened at him, hoping he would say he was just kidding. But he knew it was the truth by the way Jonathan was looking at the ground, blinking back fresh tears.

"We were drunk and I tried to leave but he convinced me to stay and it's still a little blurry, but he was so . . . ." He paused when his voice trembled. "You . . . . God, you were right, Luke and I'm sorry. I should've just told them who I was. I took it too far and now I just want to run into traffic and get it over with."

Luke sighed and shook his head, "No. What's done is done."

"How the fuck am I supposed to live with this?" Jonathan wiped at his eyes again. "I didn't know he would like me so much. I didn't expect for any of this to happen. I literally just destroyed our friendship."

"No you didn't. You just destroyed Evan and Liam's friendship. He's still close friends with you. The faceless you, don't forget that."

"Exactly!" Jonathan was getting angrier with himself. "I fucked any chance I have of meeting him for real now. I have to stay faceless for the rest of my life if I want to keep him."

Luke reached for him and pulled him into a hug, "You don't know that. This'll work itself out, just give it time."

"How much time?" Jonathan mumbled against his shoulder.

"I don't know. But you'll have to tell him one day."

"Shut up. I don't want to think about it right now. We need to get to the airport." Jonathan pulled away from him. "I need to get my bags."

Luke held up his hand, "I've got it all right here. Let's get a cab."

"Alright, thank you."

Without another word they got into the car and Luke watched in silence as his friend mentally broke himself down. He watched the tears roll and his aura turn a deep shade of grey. There wasn't anything he could do make the situation better and he knew it would be up to Jonathan to fix it on his own. Luke knew he didn't mean to take it so far and he knew that he regretted it and he knew that he was hurting. He was hurting incredibly bad because he never said a word the entire flight home. Never said a word the entire drive home, just stared out the window at the passing trees and cars.

He pulled into Jonathan's driveway and walked him to his door like he always did, pulling him into a hug, one that always let Jonathan know that he was there for him, that he was basically his brother and that he loved the hell out of him. When Luke pulled away he put a hand to his face and Jonathan sighed.

"I always manage to ruin everything don't I?" He said and gave a bitter laugh.

Luke gave him a light slap, "No, you don't and don't you dare think about holing up in this house for weeks wallowing in self pity. Next time I come over you better not look ten pounds lighter and restless. I know how sad you can get over the smallest things."

"Luke." Jonathan was tearing up again and Luke's heart hurt. "This isn't just some small thing. This is big. I had sex with him and he doesn't even know it was me. I can't describe to you how bad I feel. Not just guilty, but bad, like I'm dying a little on the inside because I fucked up the most important thing to me."

"Alright, I'm staying the night then."

"What? No. I'm not going to kill myself, man. I just need to sit in the shower and cry for a few days. Or something."

Luke eyed him suspiciously. "Are you sure? Because if I find you with a razor blade in your hand, I'll kill you myself."

"That kind of defeats the purpose, but okay." Jonathan nodded.

"And don't ignore him either."

"I won't."

Luke gave him one last look and told him goodbye before Jonathan watched him pull out of the driveway. Then he retreated into his quiet house, pulling his clothes off and heading straight for the shower where his marks once again stared him down in the mirror. Marks that Evan had given him quite willingly, desperately if he did recall anything. That alone hurt. They could have had something, but he'd insisted on keeping his identity to himself like the selfish bastard he was. He'd never felt so empty as he did then, sitting on the shower floor until the heat ran out and he was shivering, alone.

The only reason he didn't crawl into his bed and sleep for days afterwards was the fact that Evan was already online and texting him, asking him if he still wanted to play and of course he did. He slipped his headset on and only then did he realise that he'd lost an earring.

* * *

Evan's head was pounding as he showered last night's events down the drain and he'd be running after the guy he spent it with if it wasn't already nine o'clock.

Liam was already gone, on a plane. Just gone.

A part of Evan felt stupid for letting it happen but he'd never had a one night stand. Never fallen head over heels for someone so fast and so hard and got too shit faced to remember half of it.

A part of Evan felt lost. And he'd never wanted to sit down and cry over a guy. But he should've known that he was too good to be true and he should've let him go last night instead of being selfish and convincing him to stay.

He sat down hard on the bed, towel wrapped around his waist, water running down his back. The blankets and sheets were a mess on the bed and images flashed in his head.

* * *

_"Never done this before."_

_"Neither have I."_

_Liam's white smile flashed in the dark and he'd never seen anything so tempting. Heat flooded his body and he remembered nails digging into his skin._

* * *

He was so good and he was already craving him. Every part of him, but he'd never see him again and all he knew was his middle name.

Evan swallowed hard at that fact.

He was never going to see him again. Ever. Liam was breath in the wind. A ghost.

And he was everything he ever wanted. Now he was gone, like he never existed.

A part of Evan just wanted to forget and he would try, but as soon as he was packing his things and double checking the room for anything he may have left behind, he saw the light catch something sitting in the middle of the sheets and he stepped closer.

The light glinted off of it again and he reached for it, a small black shiny stud. His heart clenched.

* * *

_"How long have you had your ears pierced?" Evan had asked him while they had walked through the park._

_Liam shrugged and said, "Long as I can remember. Mom had them pierced when I was a baby."_

_"Well, you should thank her."_

_Liam grinned, "Why?"_

_"Because it's sexy as hell."_

* * *

He twisted it around between his fingers and his head pounded even more. He needed to get out of here.

"Hey, what's up with Evan?" Craig asked and Brock shrugged.

"I don't know. He's been quiet the whole time. Won't hardly talk to anyone so nobody's pushing. Tyler said not to, but hasn't told anyone why." Brock went back to eating his waffles once the waitress gave them more syrup.

"What time does your flight leave, Evan?" Lui tried to start conversation with him but he just stared off out the window.

"Leaves at eleven." He finally spoke and checked his watch. "I need to get going guys."

Evan stood and pocketed the earring he had been fiddling with the whole time he had sat with them. He couldn't focus on anything and he barely even registered it when they all said goodbye and hugged him, shook his hand. He was so out of it, until he was hailing a cab and he heard his name being called. When he looked around, Tyler was looking down at him with his hands crammed in his pockets.

"Evan, listen. I'm sorry about what happened last night. I know I was an asshole and I had no right to be." Tyler sighed and his breath formed a small cloud before it blew away.

"It's fine, Tyler. Just grow up a little." Evan grinned and Tyler nodded.

"I'll try my best, boss." He gave him a small salute and before he walked off he said, "And I won't tell anyone your secret, Ev."

"I appreciate it. Take care, man." Evan waved and got into the cab and got lost in his thoughts again immediately.

Blue eyes, red lips, a tongue so sweet he was having withdrawals.

"God damn it, Liam." He muttered to himself, still twisting that fucking earring between his fingers.

No matter what he tried, he couldn't break away from the empty feeling in his chest or the sickness in his stomach. There was only one thing that ever helped and as soon as he was inside the comfort of his quiet home, he sent Delirious a text.

_E-I'm home. Let's play. Unless you're busy, then it's cool._

_J-I'll jump online in a sec._

Jonathan's fingers shook as he set everything up, starting Far Cry 4 and waiting for Evan to join. His heart took off when he did and he popped up in their Skype call.

"Hey, man." Evan said and to Jonathan he sounded fine, normal even. For some reason that stung a little.

"Sup, how was your weekend?" He tried, feeling his voice return to normal.

He heard Evan hesitate, "It was . . . fine. I guess. It could have been better."

"How so?"

"Well, your sorry ass could've been there for starters." Evan said. Jonathan caught the humor in his voice but noted how strained he sounded. Maybe he wasn't over it, maybe he didn't forget.

"I know, I know." He gave a small laugh and they started the game. "Maybe next year. I thought you were having fun with someone though."

"I was. I did but . . . they had to leave."

"Oh."

"Yeah. I don't really want to talk about it. Let's play. I've been needing you to make me laugh for weeks, dude."

Jonathan smiled sadly, "Okay. Let's forget about the weekend and just have some fun, yeah?"

"Yes, please."

* * *

They played for hours and they both needed it. Jonathan needed it to reassure him that Evan still liked him. Or still liked Delirious, still wanted to game with him over the others. And he did.

Evan needed it to take his mind off of the guy he'd slept with, had an amazing time with, fell face first into the wall for. It helped, Jonathan's maniacal laughter cheered him up and he was feeling good again. Until night fell and they both said goodbye and tried to sleep. That's when it settled in again and he felt the loneliness start to creep up on him.

He feared one day it would eat him alive.

Evan's phone buzzed and he looked at it to see a message from his partner in crime. His faceless friend was restless again, too, and that made him feel less alone. It made him feel like their connection ran deeper than any of the others.

Evan smiled when he read it, confirming his suspicions.

_J-Hey. I can't sleep and I'm willing to bet you're still laying there staring at the ceiling too._

_E-I am._

_J-You alright?_

_E-I'm alright. You?_

_J- Fine. Just got a headache. The usual._

_E-Same here._

They were silent for a moment before Evan threw the covers back.

_E-GTA?_

_J-Hell yeah lol_

Evan laughed into the night and they played until the morning light started to come through their windows.

Maybe things would be fine, Jonathan thought. But the pain in his chest anytime he spoke to Evan, said otherwise.

Maybe things would be fine, Evan thought. But the sinking feeling in the back of his mind anytime he looked at the black earring sitting on his desk, said otherwise.


	5. Flight

"So, have you told him?"

Jonathan rolled his eyes, "Does it look like I've told him?"

"No, which is why I'm going to keep reminding you so you don't just blow it off and think everything is fine." Luke crossed his arms as they ate downtown like they usually did on the weekends.

"Luke, I can't just call him up and say hey Evan, that guy you fucked at PAX was me. Not gonna happen. Sorry. I'll let him know one day but not anytime soon." Jonathan chewed on another slice of bread.

"Sooner than you think, tough guy." Luke said sounding smug and Jonathan didn't like the way he was looking at him.

"Christ, Luke, what did you do?"

Luke shrugged, "I told him you were coming to E3 with me this year."

"You what?!" Jonathan nearly choked on his food. He received a few stares and he brought his voice down while he glared across the table at the bearded scumbag.

"You fucking told him I was coming? Last time I checked, I had no intentions of going. Just . . .  _why_  did you tell him that?!"

Luke leaned forward with a stern look, "Because, Jonathan. You need to get this out in the open. Now."

"And who are you tell me when to do it?"

Luke huffed in surprise. "I'm your best friend! I'm just trying to help you!"

Jonathan ran his hands through his hair, aggravated. "You were the one who said I'd have to fix this on my own."

"And you will. I'm just pushing you in the right direction." Luke said as they calmed down. "Look, I know it's going to eat at you if you don't tell him soon. I don't want you staring at your ceiling every night hating yourself because I know that's what you're doing. Am I right?"

Jonathan looked him hard in the eye and nodded without saying a word.

"Don't be ashamed of it, J. Just make it right." Luke sat up straighter. "So, are you going to E3 this year?"

Jonathan mimicked him and gave an uncertain nod, "Yeah. I guess I am."

* * *

Weeks passed, too fast in Jonathan's eyes. But it was too slow for Evan when all he could do was lay awake at night watching his fan spin in endless circles. All he could see was blue.

He didn't think it had effected his behavior while he was playing with the guys but Nogla called him out on it and as much as he wanted to come out and say it, that he wasn't straight and he had found the one thing he always wanted, but now it was lost . . . he couldn't. He'd witnessed the way everyone would tend to pick on anyone who was even remotely gay in any way and he couldn't handle that right now. Tyler knew, but he was mature about it to an extent. He still joked like he normally would and Evan didn't care, as usual. But he knew it was different now, it always would be and the truth would come out sooner or later. But he'd hold it off as long as he could, until he could figure out where he was going with his lonely life.

Nogla wasn't the only who took note of his indifference. Delirious caught on to it first but he was kind enough not to pry, until Daithi kept asking him what was up and that he'd been acting weird for a while now. To Evan's surprise Delirious got defensive, "Dude, it's his business. As much as you've been asking and he still hasn't told you, means he obviously doesn't want to talk about it. So stop."

Everyone went quiet for a moment until Evan quietly said, "Thank you."

"Don't mention it."

Nogla apologised to Evan but just as soon as everything was getting back to normal and it seemed that Tyler might have grown up a bit, that was all thrown out the window in a split second. Delirious was a serious gamer but he also liked to have fun. That night he was in a playful mood. Tyler wasn't and was trying to get the objective done but Delirious ended up detonating a bomb that destroyed them all.

Tyler was the first to flip his shit and Evan flinched, his voice screaming in his ears. "Tyler, oh my god."

"We were right there!" He groaned. "Damn it, Delirious!"

The blame game was always strong when they played Grand Theft Auto. Escpecially when they played a heist and someone messed something up and they had to start all over again. Evan didn't care, he just liked having a good time with his friends. Nogla was always chill about it, Delirious was fifty/fifty but mostly just full of giggles, and Tyler was always the one to call someone out, be harsh with his words and when Delirious went quiet and Evan heard him sigh, he felt angry about it for once.

It was unnecessary. It was just a game.

"It's okay. We can start over. No big deal." Evan said calmly, but Delirious had left the game.

Before he left the Skype call he said, "I'll see you guys later, I'm going to bed."

No one could even say goodnight before he was gone and Evan was rubbing at his eyes and leaving the game before he thought about what he was doing. "Me too, I've got a headache. Goodnight, guys."

Then he just sat there in his quiet room, playing with the same earring that he had for the past month. He walked to his bed and fell down onto the mattress with his phone to his ear listening to it ring and ring.

"Hello?" Delirious answered, his voice tired.

"Hey." Evan said uncertainly. He was still trying to figure why he had called him in the first place. "Are you really going to sleep?"

"No."

"Thought so." He grinned in the dark and he felt the little warmth in the back of his mind like he usually did when he talked to Jonathan. It was nice to just chat with someone that knew him more so than the others. "Wanna talk?"

He giggled, "We're already talking."

"Jackass. You know what I mean."

"I know." Jonathan said and he got quiet for a moment. "I love my friends, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I just feel like shit and when they get on me about stupid things it just makes it worse. I can usually handle it. But I just don't feel like myself lately."

"Neither do I."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, Evan. But I know something has been bothering you. Just want you know that I'm here to listen and I won't judge you for anything." Jonathan sighed.

"Okay."

"I mean it."

Evan sat up and pulled at the strings on his sleeping pants. "Delirious -"

" _Jonathan_."

Evan laughed, "Sorry.  _Jonathan_ , do you remember when I told you about that person I really liked down at PAX?"

Jonathan was sitting up in his bed, curling his toes as his heart started pounding, "Yeah, I remember."

_Very well, because that was me beneath you that night._

"Well I . . . . slept with them. And they were gone the next day, had to catch a flight and I overslept so I missed them." Evan paused. "Thats what's wrong with me, Jonathan. I can't explain how much I liked this person and I've never had a one night stand. Now it's all I can think about and that was a month ago."

Jonathan swallowed, "You didn't get their number or anything?"

Evan sighed heavily. "No. All I know is his middle name."

_His._

Jonathan went still and Evan was silent on the other end. He wondered if he realised he'd just outed himself and he got his answer when Evan snorted with laughter.

Jonathan found himself smiling, "What?"

Evan laughed even harder, "Oh man." He tried to catch his breath, "I don't know why I've never told you that I'm gay."

"Probably because you didn't think I'd be okay with it."

"Are you?" Evan asked and Jonathan grinned at the hope in his voice.

"Yes, Evan. I'm perfectly okay with it. Why wouldn't I be?"

He could practically see him shrug and chew at his nails, "I don't know. Maybe because we're all a bunch of loud and manly gamer guys who make gay jokes all the time. I just . . . so . . . why are you so cool with it?"

Jonathan scratched at his head. This was a good opportunity as any to get at least one secret off of his chest. "You're my friend, Evan. I don't care what you're attracted to, but I'm probably a lot more accepting of it because I'm also gay. So I understand the whole struggle of being a normal guy and having everyone think you're straight as an arrow."

Evan huffed a laughed, "Oh my god, I know. Everyone thinks that every gay guy is flamboyant and feminine, but I am so far from any of that. Seriously though, I had no idea you were gay."

Jonathan fell back to his mattress, suddenly feeling so much better about his life choices. "Trust me, you're not the only one. My dad is still in denial."

"I haven't told anyone." Evan said and started pacing his room. "Well I told Tyler when I was drunk and a little mad because he insulted the guy I slept with, but he said he wouldn't spill my secret."

"It shouldn't have to be a secret."

"I know. But you know the world we live in." Evan sighed and sat at his desk, toying with the earring again. It was becoming a bad habit.

"I do, unfortunately. You know, maybe that's why we get along so well." Jonathan said and cut his lamp on to his desk.

"Why?"

"Because we're both macho gay." He laughed and hearing Evan laugh just as hard made him miss his face. More than anything he wanted to see him again and he would eventually but just the thought of that put his stomach into knots.

"No, I get along with you because you're fun. You're my kind of person." Evan said and Jonathan heard the smile in his voice.

And he remembered when he said those words that night, remembered his fingers sliding to his neck, his lips pressing against his. His body pinning him down.

"Yeah, you're my kind of person too." Jonathan shed his shirt, the heat was beading on his skin. "Evan, there's something I need to tell you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Jonathan took a steady breath. "I'm coming to E3 this year and you don't have to act surprised because I know Luke told you and he's such a little shit."

Evan laughed lightly, "Not gonna lie, I've been thinking about it ever since he told me and sometimes I can't even sleep at night. You have no idea how much I've been wanting to meet you. To see you. And I'm not saying that just because I know were both gay now and I'm all of a sudden magically in love with you, I just genuinely think about meeting you almost every day. It's always on my mind."

Jonathan smiled and the butterflies took off. "I think about meeting you more than I do the others. I guess you could say that you're my favorite but you already know that. I just don't have friends here, other than Luke, and I don't get along with anyone the way I do you and I really wish we lived closer together."

"I know." Evan said softly and he was quiet for a moment. "You know, we could meet up somewhere if you wanted to. Before E3."

"No. I mean, that would be awesome but I want to meet you all at the same time. So if you don't like me -"

"I seriously doubt that I won't like you, Delirious. I don't care what you look like and it's already pretty clear that I like your personality or I wouldn't be such good friends with you."

Jonathan smiled in the dim light of his room and turned his monitors back on, "Alright then. Let's play something, just me and you. I need a break from the guys."

"Sounds good to me. See you in a sec." Evan hung up and joined him momentarily and once again they stayed up all night until the sun rose.

Evan cleared his throat once they were just sitting there in their chairs talking over Skype, "I've never really had anyone to talk to about the whole gay thing."

"Me either. I usually talk to Luke but he's not gay so even though he listens to me I know he doesn't fully understand." Jonathan said with a fondness that he'd always feel for his best friend. His best friend who pulled him home with him the night he came out to his parents and they were increasingly confused about it. Luke said they were being too sketchy and forced him to stay with him until his parents figured out what their verdict was. His mother had called him the next morning and said he didn't have to hide, but that his father still didn't understand.

"I don't have anyone. My sister knows but she moved away and we don't talk as much I need to. So I'm kind of stuck in this phase where I feel like I'm alone and no one will ever understand." Evan said and Jonathan knew what he meant, deep down and that made him ache even more. Evan was perfect, just like he'd always pictured him. Amazing, intelligent, funny, social but awkward, and a tad insecure. And if he hadn't already fucked it all up, Jonathan would be taking him up on his offer of meeting before E3.

"Well, you have me." Jonathan let his head rest on his pillows as he fell into the bed. He closed his eyes, "You'll always have me."

"Thank you. You don't know what it means to me. I don't feel so . . . " Evan paused and listened to the man's heavy breathing. "Delirious."

No answer.

"Did you fall asleep? Jonathan?" He waited. "Well, goodnight to you, too, then."

Evan grinned and ended the call before shutting everything down. He fell onto his mattress and had an epiphany that would keep him awake for the rest of the day.

He and Delirious absentmindedly fell into a routine. It started with a text, a few stupid jokes or pictures, and then a talk on Skype before they started gaming, either together or alone or with the guys. Afterwards they'd talk even more and if they weren't attached at the hip before, they quite obviously were now.

Evan's epiphany had got him nowhere. Once he had remembered that Liam said he was a manager at a mattress firm he thought he could just search for the stores and call around, but then he remembered he had no idea where Liam was from. So he went back to moping around until Jonathan would call him or text him and shake him out of his depressing haze.

And it stayed that way for weeks and instead of dreaming about Liam every other day he only dreamed of him once a week which was a relieving improvement. Evan almost thought he could forget about him completely, but he knew he never really would.

Delirious helped, tremendously, whether he knew it or not because he was more real to Evan than he'd ever understand. To Evan, Jonathan was basically his best friend, down to Earth, the one who knew his secrets, the one who knew his embarrassing stories and failed relationships. He was his go-to, his antidote and he was faceless. To Evan, his personality gave him a face and what he saw in his head every time he heard Jonathan laugh was a big white smile. The kind of smile that pulled at your eyes and made the dimples in your cheeks show.

That's what he saw.

And if he thought too hard on it, the face he imagined always morphed into one that looked too much like Liam, then he was left feeling empty.

So, Delirious was helping, but Evan was bringing himself down again trying to figure out what he looked like in his head. The same head that thought it would be a good idea to run after that pretty guy with blue eyes that day.

His head was not to be trusted anymore.

* * *

_Christ. He smelled like a fucking forest after a hard rain. Like earth beneath his fingernails and he clawed at his skin, trying to bring him closer, trying to absorb him because he'd never smelled anything so fucking comforting and beautiful and sexy._

_"God, you're perfect." He said with a rush of breath and sank himself back into him. He was so hot, so tight, so satisfying that he felt like he'd never see the sun again. This man would be the death of him._

_Liam arched his back and grinned wickedly, "Far from it."_

_Evan caught his lips, kissing away that smile that would haunt him for months._

* * *

Evan jerked awake for the fifth time that week. He though it had gotten better, the dreams. Apparently he was wrong, so fucking wrong.

He got out of the bed, five o'clock in the morning, like he had almost every day that week and made himself a hot shower where he got himself off hoping it would ease the hunger but it was only temporary. It never lasted and he always went back to sleep only to dream of him all over again. And he'd wake up shaking, hard, and breathless.

Tired wasn't even close to what he felt. Exhausted maybe, but it was more than that. He was done, with everything and he was trying not to throw all of his problems on Delirious, but he asked and Evan spilled and for the first time in a long time he felt himself wanting to cry.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Evan tried.

"Bullshit."

"True." He gave a small laugh and laid his head on hands, staring at the earring and swallowing back the pure hopelessness he felt. "I don't want to bore you with my problems."

"Evan . . ."

"Okay." He sat up and rubbed his face, sighing. "I can't fucking sleep without seeing his face. It's driving me insane and it is literally killing me knowing that I'll never see him again. He was fucking perfect all the way down to his tattoos, his fucking earrings, his smile. And he got me, like  _really_  got me. No one gets me, other than you. No one understands and I'm never getting that night back. I'm trying to forget but the more I try the worse it gets. It been almost four months and I was better off the day after than I am right now. I just can't fucking deal with this."

Jonathan heart felt like it tore in two and he was one idiotic thought away from just saying  _hey I'm right here, it was me the whole time, I know I'm such an asshole for doing this to you._ But he stayed his tongue and bit back the urge to let him know.

"It hurts, Evan. I know. And one day you won't even remember what it felt like, you just need to find something that makes you feel better and takes your mind off of it. It's literally the only way, for me at least, to get over something. When my dad didn't really want anything to do with me anymore, I went to Luke and he made me feel better about everything and he helped me move on from it. You need to find that something."

Evan hesitated before he said, "I already have."

"What is it?"

"You." Evan clenched his jaw. "And I know that sounds dumb, but talking to you about these things helps better than holding it in. You listen and you understand and I really can't wait to meet you next week. I can put a face to your voice and maybe I can stop thinking about the one that's always stuck in my head. It's kind of stupid, but I need you. You take my mind off of things I don't want to think about."

Jonathan was befuddled, sitting there staring at a blank blue screen until a smile broke his face.

* * *

_One week._

Just seven days and he would be standing on California soil, where he'd probably have a heart attack and die before he could get to Evan and ruin their friendship for good. Dying didn't sound so bad as he packed his bags with six more days still ahead of him. He was worrying himself to death but he didn't have anything else to do. Luke hadn't said a word to him about any of it, knowing it would only stress him out even more.

* * *

_Five days._

Just five and he was having heart palpitations just trying to get to sleep.

* * *

_Three days._

"Evan?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm terrified."

"Of what?"

"California. Flying. Meeting you. Just . . .  _everything_."

"Why?"

"You're going to hate me."

"No I'm not, Jonathan. If you say that one more time, I'm going to show up on your doorstep and cut you."

* * *

_Two days._

Just two and Jonathan was staring at his plane ticket as it sat there looking back at him from where it was hanging on his fridge.

_You really fucked this up._

"I know, stop fucking reminding me." He said angrily to no one, his voice echoing slightly in his empty house.

* * *

_One day._

Just one and he was immobile, lying in his bed, with Evan's scarf he stole wrapped around his hand, eyes fixed to the small paint chip on his wall he'd never bothered to fix. Would this be any different? Would he fix it or would he let it stay the way it was so it could stare him in the face and remind him of how useless he was when it came to righting wrongs?

But Evan wasn't just a small imperfection on the wall, he was a massive gaping hole in the roof that would always be there, letting everything fall in around him, reminding him of how big this situation was.

He had to fix this.

It didn't matter how.

* * *

"Are you ready?" Luke said as Jonathan strapped himself into his seat on the plane. He didn't speak, just stared out the window at the runway as the plane picked up speed. He gripped Luke's hand as everything shook and let it go when they were in the clouds.

Luke tried his best not to laugh when Jonathan looked at him and said, "I've never wanted a plane to crash so bad."

"Come on. I doubt he's going to kill you, just be highly upset and maybe hit you."

Jonathan shook his head, "It's going to fucking destroy him. You have no idea how bad I hurt him. It fucked him up."

"It fucked  _you_  up." Luke said quietly and Jonathan looked him in the eye and for a moment he thought he might break down right there but he turned back to the clouds and daydreamed about better, happier things. Anything that didn't involve Evan seeing him and looking so betrayed and heartbroken and . . . . angry.

"I don't want to do this."

Luke sighed and put an arm around his shoulder as they got off the plane, pulling him closer, trying to give him the comfort he needed. "You have to."

Jonathan watched himself put one foot in front of the other, getting closer to his destination. His end. "I know."

Luke scrunched his brows, "Why do you only have one earring in?"

Jonathan shrugged, "I lost the other one."


	6. I Don't Even Like Hockey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for typos. I had quite the issue with this effing chapter.

Jonathan could see the clouds below them growing thicker, darker. It was going to rain and as the plane landed he felt the sickness settling in his gut. Luke's hand was on his shoulder the entire walk through the airport for comfort or to keep him from running, one of the two. They stopped by their hotel, leaving their bags. Jonathan grabbed his small back pack and tossed it over his shoulder before they headed back down the elevator again. His stomach was in his throat.

"Is it too late to turn around and go home?" He asked knowing it was pointless, he was just so stressed out he didn't know what else to say.

"Yes. You are way too close to be turning around now." Luke grinned at him. "It'll be okay."

Jonathan dug his fingers into his own leg like he always did when he wanted to rip his hair out, "Can you just . . . . fucking stop acting like this is going to end with a basket full of puppies, fucking flowers raining from the sky, and everyone hugging each other. Because it's not and I would rather jump off of a building than face him. God damn it."

"Wow." Luke snorted on a laugh. "I said it was going to be _okay_. I didn't say it was going to be _perfect_. He fucking cares about you and you two get along better than any of us and are stuck up each other's ass. So even if he does hate you, it won't last."

"You are such a terrible pep-talker. I swear to God, this is why I never wanted you on my dodge-ball team in P.E."

Luke cut his eyes over at him, "You take that back. We always lost because you were so clumsy and couldn't stay on your feet. Not because of my anti-climatic pep-talks."

"I was a fucking freshman and a complete bean pole with no muscle back then. So fucking yeah, I was clumsy." Jonathan groaned and rubbed his face hard. "Why are we arguing about this? My life is about to end and we're yelling about something that happened literally thirteen years ago."

"I don't know. All I said was that it was going to be okay. If he hits you, I'll hit him."

Jonathan shook his head, "Gee, thanks. That'll solve everything."

Luke pressed his hand against Jonathan's face, "Stop. Just . . . . fucking chill out."

"Sorry." Jonathan sighed against the large hand mushing the side of his face in.

He listened to the whining of the cab's breaks as they came to a stop against the sidewalk. The crowd outside already had him nervous and he took several deep breaths before he dug around in his bag. Luke rolled his eyes at him and they got out of the cab.

* * *

"God, it's gonna rain isn't it?" Evan looked up at the gathering clouds.

"Aye, looks like it." Brian clapped him on the back. "Don't worry, they'll be here soon."

"I know. It just never rains here and of all the days it had to be this one." He crossed his arms across his chest and shifted back and forth on his feet. He'd been standing with the guys for hours it seemed like, waiting for Luke and Delirious to show up. For hours he searched the crowds for a face he didn't even know. A face he'd imagined fifteen thousand different ways, all different, but all too much like someone he still couldn't forget.

"I see them." Mini said excitedly and stood on the bench he had been sitting on and waved his arms in the air. Evan's heart almost jumped out of his chest and he craned his neck to see through the crowd and there was Luke and his signature sunglasses and beside him . . . a guy.

Evan broke into a smile.

Delirious was wearing his black 'shark-eating-a-cheeseburger' shirt and on his face was a hockey mask.

"So fucking typical." Evan muttered to himself grinning like an idiot as they got closer, his heart beating impossibly faster. The closer they got the better he looked. Christ. His shirt fit him perfect. Snug and hugging the lean muscle of his arms. Evan noticed his hands, long strong fingers that were restless, twisting and clenching into fists.

Jonathan was nervous and it was getting harder for Evan to swallow.

_Fucking hell._

He'd waited so long for this. He'd waited years to finally meet the one person that made sense and actually knew him deep down to the core. He'd waited forever to reach for his outstretched hand, to pull him into a tight warm hug and listen to him laugh in his ear. Jonathan felt nice against him and he felt an intense tingling everywhere their bodies met. Evan was hyper-aware of him and that was a bit overwhelming.

"Hey." He said and his voice was deep and relaxed, smooth.

"Hi." Evan smiled and he felt himself treading water when Jonathan's fingers slid down his arm as he stepped away. He even smelled good and his man crush for the guy multiplied itself by ten in mere seconds. Jonathan's eyes were blue, sky blue with flecks of baby blue gathered around his irises. Staring was something that Evan couldn't help because he was trying to picture the rest of his features beneath the mask and based on his eyes and the way he could see them pulling at the corners as he smiled, he was attractive.

"So, Delirious." Tyler sauntered over, lips poised and ready to strike up conversation. "When are you going to show us your good looks?"

Jonathan shrugged, "Whenever I feel like it, bitch."

Tyler laughed and bumped fists with him, "That's what I like to hear. Classic Delirious."

"Hey, Mini." Delirious made his way around the boys and Evan stepped to the side, giving them space as they met and hugged. Evan glanced over and caught Luke's eye. The man grinned and gave him a nod and something felt off about it, the way he was watching him. It wasn't uncomfortable, but it was almost like he was studying, observing his actions and Evan couldn't figure it out. But it didn't matter because Jonathan was walking his way again and he stuck to his shoulder like he did online.

"You guys want to walk around?" Evan asked. "There's some give-aways and stuff going on outside close by."

"Sure." Jonathan nodded and he never left his side. Luke never took his eyes off of them either.

Evan wanted to say that it was strange how they fell into step automatically or how the silence between them wasn't awkward, but it wasn't. It was comfortable and he still felt the electricity running along the surface of his skin where their arms were touching. It felt normal to be beside him, slightly looking down at him, about half an inch. He was perfect and he hadn't even seen his face yet.

"So, how do you like it here?"

"It's crowded." Jonathan said. "I don't like crowds. I like the atmosphere just not all the people."

Evan grinned and brushed his arm against his. "Me neither. But I have to deal with it, you know."

"Publicity, I know. It sucks. That's why I haven't ever come out into the open. I don't know if I could deal with it."

"I think you'd be good at it."

"Thanks." Jonathan sounded like he was smirking. It was only then that Evan caught sight of the earring in his ear.

_That's hot._

There was a small piece of a tattoo showing beneath his collar and Evan was heating up and the only thing that shook him from his haze was the loud crack of thunder overhead. The crowd began to scatter, searching for shelter as the rain began to fall lightly on their heads. The guys made their way back towards the main event which was indoors and for a moment Evan was separated from his companion.

* * *

"Jonathan." Luke grabbed his arm when he had an opening and Delirious felt the anxiety rising like acid in his throat.

"I know, Luke. I'm working myself up to it. I can't rush this."

"Just remember, whatever happens, happens."

Jonathan took a deep breath and gave him a nod, watching his best friend meld with the bustling crowd surrounding him, disappearing. He twisted his head around trying to find Evan again and when he spotted his brown eyes smiling at him he knew he was going to die today. Either Evan was going to kill him with his bare hands, or he was going to run into traffic and end his own life. There was no pleasant outcome and he didn't know how he was going to do this.

How the fuck was he going to tell Evan, one the most important people in his life, that he was a liar? How was he supposed to come up with the words or courage to say _I am Liam._

He didn't have much time to ponder on the thought because Evan was pushing his way through the people and taking his arm in his with a smile that had Jonathan feeling like he wasn't really there. This wasn't real. He was just as perfect as the first time he saw him come around the playing station after he'd beat him at Call of Duty. His hands were firm yet gentle against his skin, just like how he was at PAX. So careful with him as he nipped at his hips, his neck.

_God damn it._

He couldn't get the image out of his mind. It looped in his head, Evan pulling him into the room, pushing him against the wall tearing him apart and eating him alive. Jonathan could feel his fingers shaking.

"Evan, I need to tell you something."

"Shit. Hold up."

Jonathan turned and Evan was reaching back onto the ground for his lanyard that had fallen out of his pocket. His arm had slid down Jonathan's and their fingers had linked. Evan stood tall once again, Jonathan pulling his weight towards him in an effort to help him regain his balance. Evan grinned crookedly at him until he noticed the pulse pounding in he other man's neck and the subtle but obvious tremble in his fingers that seemed uncertain resting in his.

He glanced down at Jonathan's hand in his and the clouds above broke, sending heavy thick rain down upon them, the smell of wet concrete was strong, but he couldn't move. His eyes were stuck on the tattoo residing on the inside of Jonathan's forearm; a flower, blue, purple, and green surrounded by vintage leaves and thorns.

It was beautiful.

And he remembered it.

* * *

_"Liam."_

_"Hm?" He hummed, drowsy from the mad sex they'd just had, his legs tangled with Evan's in the sheets._

_"How many tattoos do you have?" Evan asked softly and kissed the flower on his forearm, his lips barely brushing the skin and he saw Liam's fingers twitch._

_He watched him look up at the ceiling and count in his head. "Ssssseven? Yeah, no, six."_

_"That is incredibly hot." Evan mumbled against his skin. "I like the one on your shoulder. I like them all but this one is my favorite."_

_He traced the lines up his bicep to his neck feeling goosebumps rise on his skin and then he kissed them down, hearing Liam's breathing even out. Evan smiled. The man had fallen asleep and he stayed awake for as long as he could hold his eyes open, listening to him breathe, watching his fair skin in the dim moonlight coming through the windows._

_He didn't want to say goodbye tomorrow. He didn't want to leave this bed._

* * *

"Evan?"

He blinked, coming back to reality and the rain had soaked into his clothes making them cling to his skin. And it was then that he saw only _one_ ear on Jonathan's head had an earring. The other was bare. Breath was something he did not possess and he was having a hard time remembering what his lungs were even for. That flower stared him down and he knew.

He fucking knew right then.

He knew who Delirious was.

Panic? No, he wasn't panicking, but he finally managed to pull air into his lungs inhaling lukewarm rain water as it fell and flooded the sidewalk they stood on. Jonathan was staring holes into him and Evan saw how scared he looked beneath that mask of his that was completely useless at this point, because he knew. And he couldn't stop thinking about how the tattoo showing beneath his collar seemed so familiar now, only because he'd seen it before and he knew what it looked like, he knew how far down it went and where it stopped.

"Evan, say something."

* * *

"What the hell are they doing? They're getting soaked." Tyler said as they stood near the doorway inside the building. It was a ghost town outside except for the two men standing alone in the monsoon that had blown in.

Luke felt the fear creep up his spine, "Fuck. It's happening."

"What's happening?"

But Luke didn't hear a word he said and he couldn't keep his eyes off the scene unfolding before him. Evan had such a tight grip on Jonathan's arm and the longer he stood there watching, the more he thought he was wrong about how this was going to turn out. It didn't look good.

* * *

Evan's breaths weren't evening out and he felt the anger rising in place of the anxiety and it hurt.

"Take it off."

"Evan -"

"Take it off."

Evan felt him shaking beneath his touch, so he let him go, watching his handprint fade on his skin.

Jonathan was frozen in place while the rain beat down on him and when he finally managed to get his hands moving, he slowly pushed at the bottom of his hockey mask, the rain dripped from the tip of his nose, his eyelashes.

He felt like he was going to puke. "I told you that you were going to hate me."

He pushed it to the top of his head and he couldn't pick his eyes up, he couldn't look at him.

Evan's hands ran through his wet hair and he didn't know what he felt because it was a mixture of everything.

Delirious. No. Jonathan.

_Liam._

His eyes as blue as the day he first saw them, shaking his hand, smiling.

"This whole time . . . it was you."

Jonathan finally forced himself to look up at him and when he met his eyes he felt a flame between them. Whether it was lust or anger, he didn't know.

Maybe it was both.

"Why didn't you fucking tell me?!" Evan nearly screamed, his voice breaking along with his composure.

Jonathan flinched at his words because he knew this was inevitable, but he wasn't prepared for it; the end of their friendship. He was never ready as many times as he'd played this out in his head and he couldn't get over the look on Evan's face; the betrayal, the hurt, the pure disbelief that had his eyes red with tears. Jonathan felt his own swelling.

"I couldn't."

"You couldn't? Do you have any fucking idea how many nights I sat up thinking about how I would never see his face again?!  _Your_  face?!" Evan pulled at his hair and paced back and forth in front of him. "Any idea at all?!"

"Yes!" Jonathan snapped. "I fucking know."

Evan almost pushed him, but instead he pressed a firm finger to his chest, "I told you  _everything_. Damn it. You listened to me spill to you and you just took it, listened to me suffer over you and you just sat there and did nothing."

Jonathan pushed his hand away and his defense rose before he could stop it. He was just as torn about it as Evan was. Evan wasn't the only one who was suffering.

"Yeah, I did. I listened to you, let you confide in me because that's what friend's do, Evan. And this has been just as fucking hard for me as it's been for you."

"Don't make this about you!"

"I'm not! This is about both of us! Can we fucking talk this out like two grown men?" Jonathan threw his hockey mask to the ground.

Evan took a deep breath, trying to get past the feeling of falling. Jonathan's face was so perfect, just the same as he'd remembered except back then it carried a different name. He tried to get past the beating of his heart and how much it hurt. He tried to get past the urge to grab his face and press his lips against his, to feel him. He'd ached for it for months, dreamed about it and here he was right there in front of him, but he was someone he thought he trusted at one point, someone he thought he knew and he couldn't let that go.

"You lied to me . . . . Jonathan." Evan said as he calmed down. The rain was steadily coming down and his voice was tired, resigned.

"The only thing I lied about was where I worked." Jonathan huffed. "Fucking mattress firm. I didn't lie about anything else. That guy you got to know, wandered around Boston with, laughed with, gamed with, got drunk and . . . . every fucking bit of that was me, Evan. Every word, every look, every touch. That was me. My middle name is Liam, I like fruity drinks and pizza, and you're my kind of person. Always have been and I've always been so fucking insecure and I hate that about myself and I hate how scared I always was that you wouldn't like me in person. That's why I did it because I needed to know."

Evan stood there in silence and watched Jonathan look at his feet. "Now I know and I'm sorry that I kept it from you. I was just so fucking scared when I woke up that day. I didn't want it to go that far, but you were so good. I've never been one to make huge decisions, I never handle it well and walking out on you was the best option for me at the time. I didn't have to face you, but I knew I would have to eventually and if I could go back and change it, I would. I would tell you who I was, but what's done is done and I can't take it back."

Evan fumbled around his mind for what he wanted to say, what he needed to say but he couldn't find words and he couldn't focus. All he could see was the man standing soaking wet in front of him, looking like a hurt puppy, blue eyes red with guilt and tears.

"I need to think." Evan muttered and wiped the rain from his face only for it to be replaced with more. "I can't . . . "

He felt like his lungs were crushing in on themselves again and he needed to go. Anywhere but here. Somewhere where Jonathan and his blue eyes weren't looking back at him reminding him of how fucking pretty he was beneath him and how soft his red lips were, wide open and producing sounds that could be the very definition of sin. He squeezed his eyes shut, turned, and walked away. Evan didn't know where he was going, he just went and it took every ounce of willpower that he possessed not to look back because he needed to figure this out before he let another word leave his mouth. Looking at the guy he had dreamed about since the night he slept with him wasn't helping him in the slightest.

Jonathan watched him go, his heart breaking more than it already had, if that was even possible. He had never wanted to scream so bad in his entire life, just yell his name and tell him what he really wanted to say.

He wanted to say that he hated himself, that he'd laid awake countless nights thinking about Evan just as much as Evan thought about him. He wanted to say that he had mapped out every imperfection on his ceiling and he knew how much he needed to dust his fan but he would just keep putting it off, staring at it instead while it spun in circles. Jonathan wanted to say that every song he heard put his face front and center in his mind, haunting him, making him feel the guilt all over again tenfold.

Evan made him hurt.

* * *

"Uhh. Does someone want to explain what the hell just happened?" Craig asked, standing there with his arms up in question.

"You've already met him before." Luke muttered.

"What?"

"Delirious." Luke turned and looked at the guys. "You've already met him. He was at PAX."

Tyler stared at him for a moment, confused. He ran through his memory and Luke saw it the moment he realised. "Oh my God. It's, uh. Shit what was his name?"

"Who?" Lui piped in.

"The guy. The guy uh . . . . fuck. The one we ran into that morning and then Evan dragged him around everywhere, to Dave & Buster's. I called the guy a fag and Evan got so pissed and they left." Tyler rambled and Lui's eyes widened.

"Liam?"

"Yes!" Tyler said happily until he realised what that meant. "Holy fuck. That was Delirious."

Craig stared out at the man standing alone in the pouring rain. "Why didn't he just tell us who he was?"

Luke folded his arms. "Because that's just who he is. He told me he wanted to meet you all, but he didn't want his face to change the way anything was between you guys. And he wanted to meet Evan, more than anything. He was scared he wouldn't like him in real life. So he pretended he was someone else."

Brian tapped his finger on the glass, pointing at Jonathan, "Okay, but why did they just fight? I'd think it was funny. Like, hey man it was me all along, ha ha, I'm such a fuckin' trickster."

Tyler eyed Luke and he knew that he knew, too. "It's a bit more complicated that."

Brian raised one of his perfect eyebrows. "Then would you care to explain?"

Luke sighed, "Alright, listen. None of this leaves this circle or I will hunt down each and every one of you. Got that?"

"Got it." They all nodded and crowded in closer away from the people moving about.

Luke lowered his voice, "They slept together."

* * *

The longer Jonathan stood there the colder he felt. The longer he stood there, the smaller Evan got as he walked down the vacant sidewalk until the haze of rain made him disappear completely. He felt the thin string that was holding their friendship together stretch and if he thought about it hard enough, maybe it wasn't there at all. Perhaps it was just wishful thinking, hoping that Evan would turn and come running back to him.

It was funny. That was why he stood there looking out at nothing, because he thought he just might. But he didn't.

Jonathan moved his feet and he could feel the water squishing in between his toes in his shoes as he walked in the opposite direction. He didn't know where he was going, he was just going. It didn't matter. Everything he'd ever wanted had just walked away with the other half of his heart that he'd first taken all those months ago.

He didn't have anything left and he walked until he found himself sitting on the side of a concrete wall, looking down at the Los Angeles river that he recognized immediately from Grand Theft Auto. The slanted walls that led down into the shallow water were covered in immaculate graffiti of different shades and styles and personalities. It took him back to the times when that was all he would play with the guys, with Evan. The memories flooded him and he couldn't breathe.

_"Delirious! Delirious! Look at me! Look into my eyes!"_

_"I am!"_

He felt the warm tears and he shook his head at himself before he let his head fall into his hands.

_"Delirious! I'm coming!"_

_"Evan! Help!"_

_"Get in!"_

They were a fucking team and they always had been and that was gone, washing away right before his eyes and there wasn't anything he could do to stop it.

* * *

Luke had Jonathan's mask in his hands as he watched him sit alone by the river, head in his hands, while the weight of the world settled on his shoulders. The guys were quiet behind him but they'd insisted on helping him find him. One by one he watched them throw their legs over the wall and take a seat, leaving a seat right beside him.

It was a surreal moment, having most of the gang sitting there like they were in Los Santos discussing what mayhem they were going to cause later. He found himself grinning sadly at the image and he sat on the wall beside his best friend. Jonathan looked around at all of them as the rain dissipated, leaving a small drizzle in it's wake. His eyes were puffy and red and he wiped the water from his face.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell any of you."

"We don't care, man." Lui said with a smirk. "You did what you had to do. We're cool with it."

"Yeah, and it's nice to officially meet you, whether or not some of us already have." Craig smiled down at him.

Tyler cleared his throat and met his eyes, "I'm sorry I called you a fag. It was childish of me and I'll try to educate myself a little, like you said."

Jonathan actually smiled at that and nodded, "It's okay, Tyler. I think I'm over it."

Brock finally spoke up, "How about we go have some fun?"

Jonathan's smile faded and he looked back out at the water, "I don't think I'll be capable of having fun for a while."

"Nonsense." Brian scoffed and slung his legs back over the wall. "Come on! While Evan is off sulking we are going to do our duty as your friends and cheer you up. Now, asses up, let's go!"

Jonathan didn't really want to but Luke was pulling him up and over and dragging back to into the bustle of people that were once again walking down the wet sidewalk. It took a while for them to make their way back towards the convention but Jonathan didn't feel the time pass. He was too busy darting his eyes at every face, his heart jumping when someone looked like they might be the dark haired Asian, his heart dropping every time it turned out that they weren't. He didn't know why he kept hoping that Evan would be there in the crowd or that he might show up, run up to him, forgive him for lying. That he might forgive him for sleeping with him and then leaving him like he was nothing. But he wasn't there. He never saw him and it started to set in slowly that Evan may not ever want to see him again.

That fear settled in, the dread making him sick to his stomach and he swallowed it down as the thought burned through him like fire for the rest of the day. (STOP! Put some headphones in and listen to The Hills by The Weeknd! Right now! -walk) It burned through him into the night as the guys dragged him around, trying what they could to take his mind off of it. He felt it searing his insides as they pulled him into a club where he could smell the sweat in the air. The bass was vibrating in his ears as he moved around the thick cluster of bodies, the beat pounding in his chest, rattling him but it made him forget for a moment and he found his head hitting the wall behind him as he leaned against it, his mind moved with the rhythm and he felt alright.

He felt okay up until the moment his eyes were drawn to a boy, dark haired and pretty, and his tongue as it slipped into another boy's mouth. Jonathan blinked and he couldn't stop his mind from going there, that one place he'd tried not to let it go all day.

* * *

_"Fuck . . ." That was the only thing Jonathan could manage to mutter as Evan's hands stripped him, pulling at his jeans that slid so easily down his legs. His socks were nonexistent, one hanging from the lamp across the room and he couldn't tell you where his shirt was to save his life. Evan leaned over him, placing kisses on his hips before sliding his fingers beneath his briefs and pulling. His dick was set free and his hands immediately went for it for some sort of relief, but Evan batted his hand away before he stood to his full height at the end of the bed, tossing Jonathan's briefs into oblivion. He drank in the sight of him._

_Jonathan pushed himself to his elbows only to witness the sexiest thing he'd ever seen, which was the sight of Evan taking his clothes off. His fingers slid up his torso, the tan toned skin of his stomach greeting him the longer he watched. Evan pulled the fabric over his head and let his fingers trail down to the button of his jeans, where he unbuttoned them, sliding the zipper down to reveal his black briefs that were getting painfully tighter the longer he stood there looking down at the perfection that was laid out across his bed. He pushed his jeans down and before he could get his fingers beneath his underwear, Jonathan slid to the edge of the bed and ran his fingers up his thighs, around to his perfect ass before he pulled the soft material down his long legs._

_His cock rested against the side of Jonathan's face and he wasted no time taking it in his mouth, smiling up at Evan with his eyes when he heard the noise that left the man' lips. His fingers carded through his hair and he slowly thrust his hips. Evan was hitting the back of his throat and it was almost too much and Jonathan was thinking how much he'd rather have him inside of him when Evan pulled him off with a small moan, pushing him back onto the bed._

_Evan crawled up his body with lust blown eyes and he kissed him. He kissed him like he'd never kissed anyone, working him open, sucking the spit from his tongue and Jonathan was a shaking mess beneath him. He tasted Evan and it was a taste he would never forget._

* * *

"Jonathan."

He blinked again to find Luke standing in front of him looking concerned. Reality sunk in once again and his lungs began sucking in air all on their own and at their own pace, which was erratic and random and he couldn't control it.

So he ran.

He ran until he felt the door beneath his cold hands and the warm California air hitting him in the face. He ran until he couldn't hear anyone calling his name anymore. He ran until he couldn't feel his feet beneath him or see the confused faces staring at him as he flew by. He ran until he saw the familiar sign of the hotel.

Then he ran a little faster.

* * *

The boardwalk was closed and it was quiet. The longer Evan sat on the edge of the ocean the more he hated himself. He should've went back earlier but he didn't know what he would've said to him. He didn't trust himself to say anything that made any sense and he didn't know how to explain what he felt. But, maybe he should have tried at least.

His phone buzzed and he picked it up without a second thought, out of habit.

"Evan?"

"What, Tyler?"

"Are you coming back around any time soon?"

He looked down at the dark water below him, "Why does it matter?"

Tyler huffed, "Why does it matter? One, you are blowing this way out of proportion. Two, I know you slept with him and I know he lied, but I also know you still like him. And three, Delirious took off and Luke is trying to talk him out of getting on the flight he just booked home. At this very second. So, that's why it fucking matters. You shouldn't have just left him standing there on the sidewalk in the pouring rain. You should've given him an answer. I know you probably didn't have one at the time, but he had his. He showed up, he showed his face and he wanted to talk it out. But you just walked off."

Evan was silent and Tyler ran his hands through his hair while the guys paced around him. "Listen, Evan. If he was everything you ever wanted and he just showed up and put himself right in front of you, whether he lied or not, wouldn't you at least want to try again? Talk it out? Or start over?" He heard Evan breathing and it almost sounded like he was running. "I know that you're upset about it and I know you don't want to see him right now, but just listen to me. Yeah, Jonathan has some issues but he worked past them and worked up the fucking courage to go to Boston and meet you. He was so fucking shy and he still did it, just so he could see you. I don't know about you, but that says something to me. It says that he's admired you for years. It says that he has enough insecurities to pretend to be someone else because he was that worried about what you thought about him. Yes, he met us too, but he was there for _you_. He stuck to you like fucking glue and he's been stuck to you for a long time. Way before you guys ever met. And you've been just as stuck to him. It's just how you two have always been and we have all always seen it that way. You guys are a team and I'm pretty fucking positive that you mean everything to him. I'm pretty fucking positive that he loves you. He still wants to be with y-"

"TYLER!" Evan yelled.

He was running.

"What time is the flight?" Evan asked while he caught his breath.

"Airport!" He heard him tell someone, presumably a cab driver. Tyler felt a smile cross his lips and the guys started high-fiving each other.

Tyler check his watch, "Fifteen minutes."

"Fuck!" Evan rubbed his face hard. "There is no fucking way I can make it."

"How far are you?"

"At least ten minutes and it'll probably take me twelve years to get through the airport and to his gate." Evan felt sick. "Can you just tell him I'm coming?"

"No, he wouldn't believe me anyway." Tyler glanced over at the two bickering men as he and the guys stood off to the side in the waiting area of the airport. "We've said everything we can think of to make him stay but he's made up his mind. He's convinced himself that you hate him and never want to see him again. Luke won't force him to do anything so if he wants to go home he's going to let him.

"God damn it." Evan groaned, his heart was thrumming in his chest as the cab stopped at a red light.

"We'll stall him as long as we can. After that, he's gone." Tyler said and Evan was twisting his fingers in his hand. "Just . . . .h . .ry and get . . . "

"Tyler? Hello?" Evan called and looked down at his phone. He didn't have any cell service in the area and he was on the verge of crying they were driving so fucking slow.

* * *

"Jonathan, please. Leaving is not going to solve anything. He hasn't even talked to you yet." Luke tried but Jonathan was steadily moving away from him.

"Staying won't solve anything either and he hasn't talked to me because he doesn't want to. If I leave then he doesn't have to avoid me for the rest of the weekend. I'm just doing him a favor. We both win. I leave with what dignity I have left and he doesn't have to see my face again." He shrugged and kept moving back. Luke stepped toward him again.

"What are you going to do when you get home? Lay in your bed and stare at the ceiling?" He asked and it sounded more accusing than he wanted it to and he saw Jonathan flinch.

"Yeah, I am actually. I'll do whatever I need to take my mind off of it, to forget and move on. It's done. Over. I'm leaving." He stood up straighter as they called for his flight. He tossed Luke his hockey mask. "Here, I won't need this anymore. I'm never showing my face again."

Luke looked down at the iconic piece of plastic in his hands then back up at the back of Jonathan's head as he walked away. He'd never felt like such a mess. The entire situation had gotten completely out of hand and he wished that he had the nerve to tell Jonathan 'no' every once in a while. He wished he had told him no when he asked to go to PAX with him. He wished a lot of things. But he didn't say no and here they were, the boys giving him sad looks and then they were running at him yelling and he didn't understand until he felt a heavy body nearly run him over. He was shoved to the side by someone big and when he regained his balance with the help of Lui he looked ahead at who it was and he caught a fleeting image of Evan as he tore through the crowd with impossible speed.

* * *

It was loud and crowded and he didn't know what direction he was supposed to be running in until Tyler caught his eye and pointed left. His feet were moving without him telling them to but he had to slow down as the crowd thickened.

"Last call for Flight 141: Gate 4."

Evan's heart was running faster than he was and he felt Jonathan's name leaving his lips but he couldn't hear it over the voices around him. He was closing in on the gate but it was still so far away and he saw it happen slowly, the guards closing the ropes, blocking it off.

And he saw him.

He saw the back of his head as he stepped onto the walkway to the plane, he saw him hand the lady his ticket, watched him turn and look back into the crowd and for a moment he though he might have seen him, but from the look of disappointment on his face . . . he didn't. Evan screamed for him again but it fell on deaf ears and he felt the helplessness hit him square in the chest and for the first time since he got out of the cab, he realised he couldn't breathe.

He slowed to a stop and put his hands on his knees, trying to calm down but not even oxygen could calm his racing mind or the ache in his heart.

He lost something in that moment. He lost the one thing that he wanted and knew that he'd never find again. He never apologised for just leaving him there wondering if he'd ever come back. He never got to kiss those fucking lips again.

"God damn it!" He cried out and pushed his way through the crowd and he absently shoved Lui's hand off of his shoulder when he tried to comfort him. Craig moved out of his way and Tyler gave him a small nod. But he felt another hand on him and the frustration crawled up his spine and he turned, ready to jump at whoever was there. It was Luke and the man grabbed at his arms and spun him around until his back was against the wall.

"Evan!" He started, "You need to calm the fuck down!"

He tried to push off the wall but Tyler stepped up next to Luke and Evan thought against it. "He's gone! I fucked everything up and you want me to calm down?"

"It's not over, Evan." Tyler shook his head.

"You've got his number. Just call him." Brock suggested.

"He won't answer. He's good at ignoring people, trust me." Luke said.

"Then get another flight. Go after him." Craig said.

Evan went limp against Luke's hold, he was giving up and he knew they all felt it too. "I don't know where he lives."

There was silence until Luke gave a small laugh and stood back, releasing his hold on him. Evan stood there looking at him confused, still searching for his breath leaning against the wall for support. "What's funny?"

Luke shrugged. "I mean, did you forget that I've known him since he was like ten? I know where he lives, you idiot."


	7. Our Hands Are Clean

It was hot and sticky outside and his phone was slipping on the side of his face from the condensation. The only thing keeping Evan from sweating was the slight warm breeze rolling through the streets. Marcel had finally caught up to him and he raised his brow in a question that he already knew the answer to.

Evan shook his head and pocketed the device. "It just keeps going straight to voicemail. He must have turned his phone off and I don't blame him."

"Hey, this is good." Marcel said as they dodged puddles on the sidewalk. "It gives you both time to yourselves to think about it. You know, now that it's out in the open."

Evan nodded silently. Marcel was right, it was a good thing he reckoned but when he thought about it, maybe it wasn't. He felt that the longer he stayed in California, the more Jonathan would believe that he really didn't want to see him again. Which wasn't true at all. All he wanted ever since Tyler slapped him with those words two nights ago was to see him. He needed to see that face again after thinking for so long that he never would again.

Evan wrapped his lanyard around his neck as they walked toward a panel they were speaking at and took a deep breath to calm his nerves. He hated these things and as he sat down beside Tyler and Brock he felt the guilt building in the back of his mind. He shouldn't have just left him there. He should've acted like the grown man he was and faced him, should've talked it out. Because there was no way he would ever tell him to leave. It had just been so sudden and overwhelming that he couldn't think. He glanced down at his hands and back up into the crowd that made him hurt. It brought back that memory of the panel at PAX East when he searched the endless faces in the crowd for that one in particular, the one that held blue eyes and a smile that made his knees weak.

When he thought back on it, it made sense how quickly he'd taken to Jonathan whether he knew who he was or not at the time. They'd always gravitated and Tyler's words were true. They were a team and they stuck together and Evan was twisting his fingers in his lap trying not to let his anxiety get to him before the panel even ended. He really just wanted to see him. He really just wanted to tell him what he felt about them, about their friendship, and how he'd always helped him fall asleep on those long restless nights. Jonathan was always there for him even with an enormous secret on his shoulders. Jonathan was there and Evan could never hate him for that.

"What about you, Vanoss?"

He blinked, feeling the heat rush to his face when he realised that he didn't have a clue what they were talking about. But, Tyler caught on and before Evan could feel embarrassed about it he leaned over and said in his ear, "Favourite YouTuber."

"Thanks." Evan whispered and fiddled with the label on the water bottle in front of him. "I uh . . . I'd have to say . . ."

He paused, letting his mind run over all the people he'd ever watched on YouTube and all the people he'd ever played with and it all boiled down to one person, the same person he would always be drawn to.

"H2O Delirious." He said and the crowd fell silent and he could feel the eyes settling on him. "He, um, over the past few years has become someone that I always turn to. Either for advice or just to talk. When I first met him and watched his videos he was a lot quieter than what most people are used to hearing from him now. But he never lets anyone bring him down, ya know? Well, except me because I can be an asshole, but he always brushes it off. He's kind. He's someone I always look forward to playing with and he's my best friend. His laughter is infectious and if you don't laugh from hearing him laugh then something is wrong with you." Everyone gave a collective chuckle of agreement and he felt himself grin. "And if you're by chance watching this, Delirious, you mean the world to me, man. I wouldn't trade you for anything."

The crowd was smiling and he heard them all slowly start to clap and he couldn't stop the ache from hitting him in the chest. Before their panel host could even dismiss them he could feel his throat closing up, the anxiety taking hold.

"Come on. It's alright." Tyler was already standing and pulling Evan to his feet. He pulled him out through the back of the room and into a vacant hallway where Evan gave in to the lump in his throat and cried. "I'm sorry."

"Let it out. I know you're stressed as fuck these past few days and you have every right to be." Tyler leaned against the wall across from him and shoved his hands in his pockets. "So don't be sorry for that. You'll figure this all out. Just give it a few more days, cool down, then go talk to him."

"Thank you." Evan wiped his face with his shirt. "You know, you're pretty good at this whole 'holding everyone together' thing."

Tyler grinned and shrugged, "Nah, I'm just trying to make up for being such a dick all these years. All the gay jokes I've thrown around. I never knew I was insulting my friends."

Evan wiped at his face again. "It's alright. It shouldn't be something that I'm used to, but I am. I haven't even come out to my parents yet. And they've never noticed, because I'm the manliest gay guy I know."

Tyler laughed, "Yeah, you are pretty straight looking. Which I guess is kind of dumb for me to say because gay people shouldn't be stereotyped as feminine or acting a certain way. They're people too and no one should look down on someone else based on who they fall in love with."

Evan blinked and looked up at his friend and he could see the smile spreading across Tyler's face. "I'm just trying to be the friend I always should've been, Evan. And I will not hesitate to walk in a pride parade with you. All you have to do is ask."

Evan smiled and he heard a voice behind him, "Wow, Tyler. Are you even the same person?"

Brock walked through the door to Evan's right and the guys slowly filtered into the hall with them. It was silent and they looked around at each other until Brian laughed, "Well, I never thought anything like this would happen. I never thought any of us were gay but I'm behind you guys one hundred percent. And if anyone else is gay, bi, whatever you want to identify as, I support you. Evan, if you need any help, anyone to talk to, anyone to stay with; we're all here for you brother."

"Yep, we are always here." Lui nodded with his cheeky grin, Nogla standing tall and proud beside him.

"We love you." Craig patted his chest.

"Are you ready for North Carolina?" Luke asked.

Evan pushed himself from the wall and nodded at his friends. "I'm ready. But there's something I need to do first."

* * *

Jonathan's ceiling was just as imperfect as he left it over a week ago. It had been four days since he left California and he was getting used to the quiet. He hadn't played a game in over a week and he was sure he'd get fired soon for not posting any videos. The hate mail he would get would be fun when he checked his inbox. He shook his head and stood on his mattress taking a rag and wiping away the dust bunnies that had made a home on his fan.

"Sorry fellas. You gotta vacate the premises."

It was getting harder to find things to do ever since he shut his phone off. Before hand he'd messaged his family and told them if they needed to get in touch that he would be at home. He cleaned everything he had, stayed up late into the night organizing his closet and his collectibles, going through old yearbooks. He would blare music throughout the house and dance, but he'd always end up on the floor with his back against the wall with his head tucked into his arms crying about things he couldn't fix. Things he'd never get back.

Things like Evan.

It was just four days ago and he could feel the dark closing in around him and he did what he could to keep it at bay.

It was a windy day and for the first time since his father had towed the rusty frame into his backyard, Jonathan pulled the tarp from his grandfather's classic Mustang and rolled it into his shed. He turned on the old radio that had collected dust from the lack of use over the years and he felt a smile spreading across his face for the first time in days. He turned the music up, nodding his head, shaking his hips to the beat as the dirt and grease covered his hands as he took the car apart. He finally felt at ease the longer he worked on the vehicle that had carried him through the back roads of the Carolina's when he was young and in the single digits. Those times were long gone though and his grandfather was gone and his father hardly spoke to him anymore. As long as he didn't hate him, Jonathan was alright with it. He couldn't have everything.

The wind kept his skin relatively dry but he pulled his shirt over his head to wipe at his forehead because his hair was sticking to him. Fixing up the car wasn't going to last forever; a month maybe. It wouldn't take him that long even, not with Luke's lessons he'd given him over the past fifteen years. He could build a car from the ground up if he had to. But it would be over eventually and he'd be back to where he started walking down his empty hallway. He might go back to games, but that made him think of Evan and that wasn't something he could deal with. He could go back to working in his friend Troy's garage like he used to. Jonathan nodded to himself.

_Yeah. That's a good idea._

* * *

"Hey, Mom. Dad." Evan waved at them over the computer, Craig's computer. They had all retreated to Mini's apartment and were piled up in his living room as Evan call his parents on Skype.

"Hey, baby. How's everything going over there?" His mother smiled at him.

"It's going good." Evan grinned back and licked his lips nervously. "But there's something I need to tell you guys before it gets out in the open some other way."

"We're here to listen."

"Okay . . ." Evan hesitated, looking over the back of the monitor at his friends. Tyler gave him a nod, everyone else gave him a thumbs up or a smile. "I'm gay and I have been for as long as I can remember. I'm sorry I never told you. I was always scared about how -"

"Evan." His father interrupted him and broke into a grin. "We love you."

He felt the tears welling up when his brother jumped into the picture and said, "Yeah, man. We love your fruity ass."

Evan cried, but with a smile on his face.

* * *

"Hey."

"Hey." Jonathan wiped what grease he could from his hands when Luke walked into the auto shop through the open roll-up doors. "What's up?"

Luke shrugged, "Nothing much. Just seeing what you were up to."

"Keeping myself occupied." Jonathan looked back at his grandfather's car that was on a lift in Troy's shop. The guy had practically begged him to bring it down so he could help him work on putting in a new transmission. Troy had always ogled over it anytime he came over, forcing Jonathan to uncover the rust bucket and let him look at it. For years he griped about it, begging him to just pull it to the garage and finish it, but Jonathan never did. Now, though, he had nothing else to do and Troy was very enthusiastic. He kept him on his toes.

"So, how have you been?"

Jonathan bristled at the question, but he kept his aggravation hidden. "I'm fine."

"Are you su -"

"Luke, if you came here to talk about the one fucking thing I'm trying my hardest to forget then you can leave." Jonathan slung his hand towel over his shoulder and started to walk back towards his friend who was beating out dents on the metal frame of the car.

"Hey! Do me a favor." Luke called and Jonathan looked back at him, catching the object that he tossed his way. It was his cell. "Turn your god damn phone back on."

Without another word Luke turned and walked back out onto the city sidewalk into the evening. Jonathan shook his head. "Stay out of my house!"

He sighed and shoved it in his pocket where it always used to stay and the urge to turn it on was strong but he fought it down and went back to Troy's side, keeping his hands occupied. They worked late into the night until they were hungry. Then they ordered pizza and played Nintendo in his office with fans blowing air around them.

"I've got two bunks in the back, you know. Just stay the night, man. You know I won't bite." Troy grinned down at him as he picked up their mess and took it out to the dumpster.

Jonathan took him up on his offer and dropped down onto the bottom bunk in the back room. There was no air conditioner in the place, but that was to be expected and he'd always been used to it when he stayed there countless days and nights when they were in high school. Troy had been the only other person other than Luke that liked him enough to stay friends with him. Jonathan caught his eye when he came back in from rolling the doors down and he crossed his arms on his chest as he looked down at him.

"So, what's up with you lately?"

"What do you mean?"

Troy rolled his eyes and sat on the floor beside the bunk, "Me and you used to be super close, remember?"

"Yes, I remember. We're still close, we just don't hang out as much. I'm a gamer, I stay indoors and don't socialize." Jonathan said and smirked at the dirty brunette who was too tan for his own good.

"Shut up. My point is, I still know when something's not right with you." Troy poked him in the arm like he used to. "So, tell me. Just because I'm straight doesn't mean I can't listen to your problems."

Jonathan grinned and shoved his shoulder, "Alright. Well I kind of . . . . fell in love with someone I shouldn't have."

* * *

"Thanks for letting me stay here for a few days, Mini. I appreciate it." Evan hugged him tight and Craig laughed.

"Don't mention it. Now the only person that hasn't crashed at my pad is Delirious. So, how about you bring him around sometime?" Craig wiggled his shoulders, Evan couldn't help but smile.

"I'll try. That is if I haven't completely run him off."

Craig squeezed his shoulder, "I seriously,  _seriously_  doubt it. But, there's only one way to find out."

"Yeah." Evan took a deep breath and picked his bags up off the floor. "I'm just scared to know. You know?"

"I'm sure he felt the same way when he was flying here." Craig said and it hit Evan like a fist to the stomach. "Go find him, Evan. Kiss him for me."

Evan shook his head but gave Mini a small salute and turned, heading for the cab that was waiting for him at the road. His gut was churning, his nerves twisting and he watched the ground drop beneath him as the plane left the runway hoping he hadn't waited too long. He didn't even know what he was going to say when he got there. He was completely lost.

But as he watched the clouds engulf the aircraft and then stretch out below as far as the eye could see, he felt a calmness wash over him. He placed his headphones on and listened to the playlist of songs that Delirious had sent him. It was same list of songs he used to get himself to sleep and had offered to Evan on the first night he learned that Evan had problems sleeping just as much as he did.

When he though about it, he wasn't mad about the fact that Jonathan had lied. In fact, he felt no trace of anger left in him. All he felt was a longing to see the face that set him on fire, the face that made his heart race, and the smile that made his fingers restless. He couldn't stop picturing those three days in his head.

* * *

_"Hey! Wait up! Liam, right?"_

_He smiled and Evan felt the attraction immediately. "Yeah, it's Liam."_

* * *

 

_Evan's breath formed a cloud in front of him. "Who's your favorite?"_

_Jonathan shrugged nonchalantly. "Gee, I don't know. Who do you think?"_

_Evan laughed at his sarcasm, "So it's me?"_

* * *

 

_"I was starting to think you wouldn't show."_

_Liam raised his brows in mock surprise, "Me? Stand you up? Never."_

* * *

 

_Evan felt something flutter in his stomach. He took a leap of faith, "Come to the panel tomorrow?"_

_"Only if you want me to."_

_"I do." Evan swallowed. "I hope this isn't weird or anything. I just . . . . you're not like everyone else here."_

_"That is a little weird. Considering we've never met before today." Liam said before grinning again. "But since I'm just as weird as you are, I think I can make some time to come see you. Totally wasn't gonna do that anyway."_

* * *

 

_"What's your middle name?"_

_Liam grinned slowly. "Liam is my middle name."_

* * *

 

_Evan smirked, "Well, I'll buy you a fruity drink tonight. How does that sound?"_

_"Sounds very tempting. I think I'll take you up on it."_

_"I was hoping you'd say that."_

* * *

 

_Evan stared at the ceiling and thought hard before he said, "Can I be honest with you?"_

_"Of course."_

_"I really like you."_

* * *

 

_"I've never met anyone like you. I mean there's one person I talk to, who I'm friends with and he understands me more than anyone. But I've never met him and I don't know if I ever will." Evan's hand found it's way beneath his shirt and he was warm to the touch._

_"Maybe you should just show up on his doorstep. See what he thinks about that."_

_Evan pushed himself up, "Maybe. But right now I'd rather be on yours."_

* * *

 

_"I'm sorry, I've just never done anything like this before and you're literally everything I could ever want and I'm half in love with you already so I think it would just be a really good idea if I just left and-" Evan took his face in his hands and silenced his rambling with a kiss._

* * *

Evan opened his eyes, his heart beating just a little faster. That night was perfect and it was more than he could ever want and he'd try.

He'd try to get it back.

His feet carried him off of the plane and through the airport and the only thing he could think of was Jonathan's words.

_"That guy you got to know, wandered around Boston with, laughed with, gamed with, got drunk and . . . . every fucking bit of that was me, Evan. Every word, every look, every touch. That was me."_

**_That was me._ **

* * *

"TROYYYYY!"

"WHAT?"

Jonathan's phone had been vibrating for the past five minutes with the notifications that were steadily popping up, coming in all at one since the phone had been off for days. "You asshole! Why did you turn my phone on?"

"Well, Luke asked you to and you didn't so I figured I'd help a brother out." Troy smiled sweetly and threw him a clean white shirt to wear. "Somebody's trying to reach you obviously."

Jonathan huffed and pulled the shirt over his head, turning the vibrate off of his phone until it was done. He wasn't looking forward to going through all of it. They got the car on the lift again and got to work.

He ended up cutting his arm twice on a stray piece of metal and laughed at Troy running around like a mad man trying to patch him up. "I'm fine, you idiot."

"That's a lot of blood, holy shit!"

He just laughed. It was what he needed and it was keeping his mind from straying to where it always did. But as usual, when he was feeling better about things, something always happened to bring him back down again. His phone buzzed and he decided it was time to clear his notifications. As soon as he swiped his phone it was in his face and there was nothing to stop it. Nothing to stop his heart from jumping out of his chest.

10 Missed Calls: Evan

His Twitter was through the roof.

_H2O Delirious don't know wht happnd between you guys but you should def watch the panel from E3 :)_

_-Have you seen the panel?_

_-Watch the panel! 23:42_

_-Wow, you guys are so not obvious._

"Well, it looks like you should watch the panel. Whatever the hell that is." Troy said over his shoulder and Jonathan's fingers were shaking as he pulled it up on YouTube. Troy took a seat beside him and they watched the discussion from where Jonathan has skipped to at the twenty-third minute.

It was focused on Evan who was looking extremely out of it, in thought and looking off into space until the host asked him a question and Jonathan couldn't help but grin at the sudden redness of his face. Tyler said something in his ear and he nodded. He fiddled with his water bottle and Jonathan could tell he was nervous. He knew Evan didn't like to talk into a mic, or at a crowd or camera. He'd rather be alone in his room just like Jonathan.

_"What about you, Vanoss? Favourite YouTuber."_

_"I uh . . . I'd have to say . . ."_

Jonathan's chest was so tight.

_"H2O Delirious."_

His fingers gripped his phone.

_"He, um, over the past few years has become someone that I always turn to. Either for advice or just to talk. When I first met him and watched his videos he was a lot quieter than what most people are used to hearing from him now. But he never lets anyone bring him down, ya know? Well, except me because I can be an asshole, but he always brushes it off. He's kind. He's someone I always look forward to playing with and he's my best friend. His laughter is infectious and if you don't laugh from hearing him laugh, then something is wrong with you. And if you're by chance watching this, Delirious, you mean the world to me, man. I wouldn't trade you for anything."_

He found his breath and he felt Troy's hand on his shoulder, squeezing. "Is that him?"

"Yeah."

"He's pretty hot."

Jonathan huffed. "Says the guy who swears he's straight."

Troy smacked his head, "So, what are you gonna do? You told me that he hated you. Doesn't look that way to me."

"I thought he did because he just left me there . . . I thought . . . I don't fucking know." Jonathan shoved his phone in his pocket and rubbed his face with his hands probably smearing oil all over himself. "I'm such an idiot."

"I could've told you that." Troy snickered and jumped away when Jonathan got to his feet and tried to hit him. "What are you going to do, Jonathan?"

"I don't fucking know!" He ran his hands through his hair. "What do  _you_  think I should do?"

Troy shrugged and gave him an innocent smirk, "I dunno. You could probably turn around and talk to him since he's standing right there."

Troy nodded at the street and Jonathan turned and he thanked whatever god there was for letting his legs continue working, holding him upright when he saw Evan standing there looking at him with an uncertain look on his face. He was gorgeous. His hands were in his pockets, his biceps flexing as he shifted on his feet and he looked down at his Converse before glancing up at him again. "Hey."

Jonathan just stood there in a confused daze before he felt Troy's hands shoving him forward. He stumbled toward the Asian, glaring back at his friend as he disappeared into his office. He turned, moving slowly and nervously toward the one person he didn't think he'd see again any time soon.

"Hey." Jonathan twisted the rag in his hands. "What are you doing here?"

Evan rubbed the back of his neck, "I wanted to see you and talk since you left before I could get to you."

Jonathan clenched his jaw as he felt the stupidity hit him in the face once again. "I'm sorry. I just didn't -"

"It's okay. I left you there and I don't blame you for leaving." Evan rocked back on his feet and Jonathan felt the awkward air between them, but Evan's laugh shook it off. "Jonathan."

He glanced around confused. "Evan."

Evan grinned. "I, uh . . . . I don't hate you. I never hated you. I still really really like you actually and I was thinking that maybe we can just start over?"

Jonathan felt the smile stretch across his face and the butterflies take off in his gut. "Yeah, I'd like that."

"Okay." Evan stuck his hand out with a gorgeous white smile and said, "It's nice to meet you, Delirious."

Jonathan bit at his lip trying not to smile like a fool, it wasn't working. He took Evan's hand and shook it, he was warm to the touch, his fingers calloused from playing guitar. "Yeah, it's nice to meet you, too."

Evan let his hand drop, the smile never leaving his face. "So, what have been up to?"

Jonathan shrugged, "Not much, just keeping myself busy." He cleared his throat trying to brush off the meaning of what he just said and he turned, "I've been working on my car. Well, my grandfather's car that he gave me a long time ago. I've just never had the time to fix it."

"It's nice. Does it run?"

"Not yet. Troy and I have to replace a few more things that were too rusted to salvage. Then hopefully it'll crank." Jonathan glanced at the office and shook his head when he saw Troy give him a thumbs up through the window, hiding when Evan looked his way.

"That's Troy. He's a fucking idiot, but he's one of the idiots I grew up with."

Evan snickered. "He seems nice."

"He is."

Jonathan watched Evan eyeball the vehicle and got lost in the way he ran his hand over the metal frame, the part that was still in good shape. Evan looked over and caught his gaze and Jonathan could still feel that flame, the one he felt between them ever since Evan gave him that same look at PAX before slipping away into the crowd.

"Oh." Evan said suddenly and dug around in his pocket. "This belongs to you."

Jonathan held his hand out and Evan placed a small black earring in the palm of his hand and Jonathan swallowed. "I was wondering where the hell that thing went to."

"It was in the sheets." Evan said and immediately looked away, biting his tongue at bringing that night up. "Sorry."

"It's fine." Jonathan grinned, "I stole your scarf."

Evan laughed, "Really?"

"Yeah." He smiled and put his lost earring back in it's place in his left ear. Now he had the full set again. "I had a lot of things to cover up and my jacket wasn't doing the job."

Evan rubbed his lips together and nodded trying not to picture the marks he'd left all over his neck that night because he remembered like it was yesterday. Just the thought had him warm all over. "Were you the anon who paid for my room?"

Jonathan nodded and ran a hand through his hair, "That was me, yeah."

Evan stepped toward him, "Well, it seems to me like I owe you dinner or something."

"I will accept pizza as payment. Maybe a drink to go along with it." Jonathan grinned cheekily, feeling more comfortable about the air between them.

Evan shook his head in amusement. "No drinks. A coke, yes. But no alcohol. I want to remember every second I spend with you this time."

Jonathan was taken aback at the seriousness in his voice, but also at the sincerity in his eyes when he said it. He almost stuttered but kept his mouth shut and thought about what he was going to say before he said it like he'd practiced before going to Boston. He took a deep breath and smirked, "Sounds fair. So, it's a date then?"

Evan nodded, "It's a date."

Jonathan giggled and caught the way Evan's eyes traveled lower to his lips, the fire lighting inside of him at the notion. "How'd you find me?"

"How do you think?"

Jonathan scoffed, "Luke."

"Luke." Evan gave a nod. "So, what time and where?"

"Well, Mr. Fong, would you like to go on a typical date or would you like to go on a date that rocks your socks?"

Evan chuckled at him and Jonathan felt the normalcy return when it came to how they talked to each other, how they treated one another. "I've never had my socks rocked, so let's go with that one."

Jonathan bit at his lip, feeling way more confident than he ever had. Evan was here, he had gone out of his way and flew across the country just to talk to him and that had him reeling. "Alright. How about I text you the address of my favourite pizza joint and we meet there around six in the evening? Then I'll show you what there is to see in this small town."

"Sounds perfect." Evan said and Jonathan liked the way the word rolled off his tongue like it had that cold night in Boston.

_"God, you're perfect."_

_"Far from it."_

Evan headed for the street, tossing him a smile and Jonathan felt it from his head to his toes. "I'll see you then . . . .  _Jonathan._ "

He watched him go. He watched the way his shoulders pulled beneath the soft fabric of his black shirt, the way his arms pulled at the cab door before he got in and left. He did his best to fight down the fire but it was raging like a wild one and he could still smell him, that spice that had stuck to his senses and wouldn't let go.

"Uh oh! Johnny Boy's got a hot date!" Troy called out from behind him and Jonathan couldn't help but smile.

"Yes. Yes I do."

"Well what the hell are you still doing here?" Troy pushed him out the front doors. "Go home and clean your filthy ass up. Don't forget to wear deodorant!"

"Alright, alright!" Jonathan laughed and walked out to the small lot on the side of the building and climbed into his Jeep. With a huge grin he started the engine and blared his music all the way home, singing at the top of his lungs.

* * *

(just for kicks because this song gets me pumped - walk)

_**"The Naked and Famous - All of This"** _

_**I can't begin to explain** _

_**how we disassemble the parts and frame** _

_**baby it's the same late morning** _

_**the same no show** _

_**it's the same fucking habits** _

_**I guess we don't know** _

_**all of this is tearing us apart** _

_**I don't know where us or this start** _

_**all of this is tearing us apart** _

_**I don't know where us or this start** _


	8. Socks

_Nervous?_

Jonathan rubbed at his face as he looked in the mirror. Nervous didn't even begin to describe what he felt. His face seemed thin.  _Was he too thin? Had he lost weight?_  He poked his stomach and arms, still feeling the muscle beneath and he shook his head at himself. No, he was still the same, but he couldn't help but feel like he was going to walk out the front door with something wrong with him.

Either his hair was going to be sticking up in places or he'd have something on his face or his briefs would be sticking out of his jeans. He took a deep breath and thought that his black button up wasn't a good idea. What if one of the buttons popped off and took one of Evan's eyes out? It felt too tight all of a sudden.

"Holy. Fucking. _Fuuuck_." He whined and tossed his head back.

"You're being way too dramatic." Luke peered into his room and leaned against the doorway. "You look really hot and nothing is gonna go wrong."

"Yeah, but -"

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Your shirt is too long for your underwear to show, your hair is fine, there's nothing on your pretty face, and your shirt fits you just right. I repeat, nothing is gonna go wrong." Luke grinned at him.

"That still weirds me out, you know." Jonathan said and broke into a smile. "Mind Freak. What am I thinking about now?"

Luke squinted at him, "You're thinking about how much more you like Evan's pecks than you like boobs."

"Hey, boobs are cool. But, yeah. Evan's pecks are spectacular and firm. Holy shit they're firm and -" Jonathan cut himself off, glaring at his best friend. "Stop it."

"What?" Luke held his hands up innocently and giggled as he backed himself down the hall. "I'm not doing anything."

"You know exactly what you're doing. Trying to make me flustered about him, which for your information, I already am. I don't need to be hot and bothered over him too before I even meet him for dinner." Jonathan pointed an accusing finger at the man.

"Alright, alright. I'll stop talking about him." Luke crossed his arms and leaned against the kitchen counter when they made their way into the room. "His ass seems pretty nice, too."

"Luke!"

* * *

Evan was running his hands through his hair while he paced his hotel room, sitting down on the edge of the bed only to stand back up moments later. He kept checking his phone, checking the time, checking to make sure he put on deodorant.

He snapped his fingers against his hands restlessly as the time slowly ticked by. It was only four o'clock, they weren't meeting for another two hours. Something clicked in his head and he was walking out of the lobby and hailing a cab before he could talk himself out of it.

* * *

Jonathan was sitting on the edge of his bed twiddling his thumbs, staring at the hockey mask hanging on his wall where Luke had returned it. It was strange how such a small thing could mean so much. How it could hide someone from the world yet give them an image at the same time. Everyone saw him as that YouTuber in blue that wears the hockey mask and that's who he became. It wasn't intentional, but it ended up that way. He couldn't say he regretted it, everyone needed a signature. Just like Evan was the owl. It fit.

His thoughts wandered for over an hour as he laid back on his blankets and stared at the ceiling like he always did, but it felt different now. He wasn't sad about anything, he wasn't upset. He was just waiting for the time to go by a little faster so he could see the one person that never failed to be front and center in his mind.

He still couldn't believe that Evan had followed him home and apologized. If anything, Jonathan though  _he_  was still the one at fault for lying to him in the first place. But Evan had meant it, he could see it in his eyes, how soft and kind they were and how nervous he seemed standing there in the shop.

Jonathan grinned at the ceiling, feeling good, feeling better than he had in months. He sat up and strained his ears when he heard something.

There was a knock at his front door.

* * *

Evan was standing there like he'd never done it before, nervous as hell, and when the door opened to reveal a man in a tight short sleeve black button up, looking way to sexy for his own good with his earrings and his tattoos, he bit his tongue. The colors were popping out against the deep black of his clothes. His eyes were shining along with the smile that he wore on his face as he stood there and said, "Hi."

All Evan could do was gawk and say, "Wow . . ."

Jonathan flushed slightly and gave a small shy laugh. Evan recovered, feeling like an idiot and he shook his head, "I'm sorry. _Hi_ , is definitely what I meant to say."

He laughed at himself and shoved his hands in his pockets. Jonathan crossed his arms and pursed his lips. "What are you doing here? We're not supposed to meet for another hour. Not that I'm complaining."

Evan shrugged, "I was just listening to what some guy told me a few months ago."

"And what was that?"

Evan took a small step forward and stared into his friend's eyes, "He said I should just show up on your doorstep one day and see what you thought about it."

Jonathan broke into another smile and he couldn't stop the warmth growing in his chest. Evan was bringing up those three days in Boston and it gave him hope that he wanted to repeat it just as much as he did. "I think . . . you should come inside instead of standing out here like a complete dork."

"I agree." Evan brushed past him, intentionally letting their faces come close to each other. Jonathan shut the door behind them, curling his fingers into fists when he caught Evan's smell. So familiar and something he never forgot.

"So." He turned and held him arms out. "This is my house. My humble abode."

"Your secret nerd lair." Evan chuckled. He'd never let Delirious live that down, not since the day he referred to his house as that one drunk night over Skype. They looked at each other and the silence was comfortable and Jonathan was having one of those moments.

"This doesn't feel real." He said quietly, a small grin playing his lips and Evan nodded.

"I know. I'm standing in your living room. Never thought I'd actually be here."

"I would've invited you over one day . . . maybe." Jonathan said and rolled his eyes when Evan raised a brow at him. "Okay, probably not."

"I know." Evan laughed. "I know you."

Something passed between them and they both pushed it down, fighting whatever feeling it was trying to pull them together so hard and so fast.

"So." Jonathan cleared his throat. "Let me show you around."

Evan nodded and followed him around his roomy house, first getting eyes on his bedroom that was filled with little figurines and cardboard cutouts of characters. Posters of movies lined his bedroom wall and his monitors were set up in the corner of the room atop a large desk.

"This is really cool." Evan eyed his things on the shelves in the room. From Batman to tiny Battle Block statues, Jonathan had it all. "I only have a few things here and there in my house. I always wanted to collect things, I just never took the time."

"Well, this stuff just stacked up over the years. Birthday presents, Christmas gifts from family. Troy gets me the newest version of the Joker figurine every year and Luke just finds the most off the wall things he can get his hands on." Jonathan walked to his dresser and opened a little box, looking back at him. "All the things you've given to me, I keep in here."

Evan walked over and glanced into it and it looked like their friendship condensed down into a box. All the things that made them . . .  _them_ , were there in the form of corny cards and keychains and really bad puns. They were things Evan always found himself looking for when he went anywhere, shopping, out with family, California. Things that always caught his eye and reminded him of Delirious and their inside jokes. He'd stuff them in an envelope and mail it off to him. Evan lived for the text he'd receive or the Skype call that always came days later, either full of smiley faces or Jonathan laughing about it while they played. Jonathan sent him stupid stuff in return, like they were childish penpals. Evan loved it. He loved seeing the sender names that Delirious came up with each time.

Names like:  _Buzz FightMe, Assface McGhee, Jose Rico, Your Mom's Side Chick, and Bae._

Evan knew what he wanted to say but he couldn't find the will to make it come out. He just swallowed and met Jonathan eyes and the man nodded with a knowing grin before leading him out of the room and through the rest of his house until they were standing on his back porch. He had a ground level pool, a shed, and to Evan's amusement a swing set.

Jonathan nudged him, "Don't laugh. I love to swing."

"I'm not laughing, you dork." Evan nudged him back. "You know I love it, too."

"Yeah. Helps you chill out."

Evan nodded. "Just like you."

Jonathan chewed at his lip as he watched the swings sway slightly with the wind. The trees in the distance were moving back and forth in a slow dance and he could smell the rain in the air as dark grey clouds started to show over the tree line. He could feel the breeze cooling off and Evan's eyes on him and he wanted nothing more than to just turn into them, into him, and give into that fucking outrageous urge to lose himself in that scent and the pure fever that Evan radiated. He was like the sun washing over him after a swim and he moved away from him reluctantly, looking back to say, "Come on, let's go ahead and eat. I'm starving."

Evan trailed after him, hands in his pockets, biceps looking delicious as ever in his white shirt. "Lead the way."

* * *

"Stop stealing my pepperonis!" Jonathan slapped Evan's hand for the third time when he tried to stealthily sneak the meat from his pizza. Jonathan squinted at him as evilly as he could while he watched Evan slip the thin slice into his mouth, licking the tips of his fingers and giving him a wink. Jonathan couldn't help but break into a laugh that Evan joined him in.

"I'm sorry. I'll stop." Evan wiped his hands on his napkin and went back to eating his own food.

"No, it's okay. I was just kidding, you know that." Jonathan picked two more pepperonis from his pizza and put them on Evan's. "You can have whatever you want. You know I'll never say no."

"I know." Evan smirked. "Why is that?"

"What?"

"How come you never say no?"

Jonathan wiped his mouth and looked off at the wall, sighing, thinking about the answer and it just kind of let itself out. "It's like I said before. You're my favorite and I have so much fun with you and I can't help but follow you. You're just so hard to say no to. So, if you wanted to walk off a cliff I'd more than likely be right behind you. As usual. Plus I like you.  _A lot_." Jonathan giggled more to himself than anything. "That probably has everything to do with it."

Evan was smiling and he didn't realize how much he'd needed this. This person sitting across from him sipping at his drink while his head moved absentmindedly to the beat of the music playing around them in the small pizzeria. Jonathan was the one thing he'd always wanted and he'd been there the entire time, he just didn't know it. Evan wanted to laugh at himself for how long it took him to figure it all out.

* * *

"So, anything I want, huh?" Evan asked as they walked down the cobblestone sidewalk side by side.

"Anything."

Evan didn't hesitate and slipped his hand into Jonathan's, lacing their fingers like they had that night in the bed as they talked. He shook the warmth down and grinned when Jonathan glanced down at their hands before looking up at him. He smiled and pulled Evan along, leading them wherever he wanted as the breeze whipped around them, thunder rolling in the distance.

"Hands down best ice cream you'll ever have." Jonathan pulled him into a tiny hole in the wall ice cream parlor where a bunch of older women were behind the counter. "It's not really ice cream, it's frozen custard so it's thicker. But maaaaan, it's just . . . I can't explain the foodgasm it'll give you."

"Okay then, shuch up and let's get some." Evan said, pressing a hand over Jonathan's mouth. They walked to the counter and the ladies smiled sweetly at them.

"I haven't seen you before, handsome." An older woman whose hair was turning white winked at Evan. He laughed and felt Jonathan's hand on his waist.

"Ms. Lisa, this is Evan. Evan, Ms. Lisa. She's totally cool, her daughter is the one who did this flower tattoo." Jonathan held out his arm and showed him his flower that he remembered quite well. It's what had triggered the realization at E3, the one that had told him who Jonathan was.

"You want the regular, honey?" She asked Jonathan and he nodded.

"Yes ma'am and get him a peanut butter." He pointed to him and Evan was filling up again with that feeling. The one that made him want to scream and hug and kiss him all at the same time just because he knew what fucking flavor he liked the most without having to ask. And he was right, the foodgasm was indescribable when the custard hit his tongue. The peanut butter filled his senses and it was like nothing he'd ever had before and they found themselves sitting on the side of a fountain in a small park just a short walk from where they had parked earlier.

"This place is really pretty."

Jonathan shrugged and looked around at the tall crape myrtle trees that were in full bloom, the pink and white blossoms coming loose with the wind and raining down on them with soft petals. "It is, but it's small. You can't ride into town without everybody you've ever known blowing their horn at you or hollering. It's nice I guess."

Evan hummed in agreement as he savored the last bites of his ice cream. The thunder was growing louder and sky was completely clouded over now and he knew this was Jonathan's kind of weather. It was his own kind of weather and when the bottom dropped out of the cloud above them they started running, laughing, until Jonathan gave up and walked instead.

Evan looked back with his arms out. "What are you waiting for?"

"Nothing. Don't you know that you don't get as wet if you just walk?"

Evan laughed, "Says who?"

Jonathan finally caught up with him. "Says Mythbusters." He grinned and slipped his hand back into Evan's.

Evan leaned into him, "You know, we should really stop meeting like this."

Jonathan glanced over at him and then up into the sky, flinching at the rain hitting his face. He knew what Evan meant, they should stop meeting in the pouring rain. He laughed and the way Evan was watching him had his laughter fading into a faint hum and he felt himself leaning closer. But he stopped himself when Evan's hands came to rest on his waist.

Jonathan shook his head. "Shouldn't kiss on the first date."

He said those words and sure as hell didn't mean them, but he was trying his best to hold back. He knew Evan was too and that had him wanting it even more. Jonathan mouth was watering against his will and they were so close, Evan's hand slipped to the hollow of his back and pulled him closer.

"Shouldn't . . ." Evan said but his eyes were glued to his lips and he wasn't listening to himself and he was still leaning in when a bright flash of lightening struck above them, the thunder booming in their chests.

"Shit! Okay, let's go!" Jonathan and pulled Evan along behind him to the Jeep that was waiting for them all warm and dry. The ride back was relatively quiet and neither of them wanted to mention the fact that they had almost kissed in the rain or note just how quickly they felt the need to. As Jonathan was driving him back to his hotel he blurted out, "Why don't you just come stay at my house?"

"You sure about that? I mean, I got the hotel for a week." Evan said uncertainly like he didn't think staying with him was a good idea. Sure, he wanted to, but he didn't want things to move faster than they already were.

"Yeah, I'm sure. That way you're not spending unnecessary money on cabs and stuff. I know how expensive hotels can get. Unless you don't want to, then I totally understand."

Evan smiled, "No, it's sounds great. Just uh, let me get my things and check out, alright?"

"Alright." Jonathan put the car in park when he drove up in front of the hotel. He watched Evan run inside out of the rain and disappear into the elevator. Then he got out in the rain and ran inside to the front desk with a sly grin on his face.

"Hi." He greeted the lady behind the counter. "I'd like to pay for a room, please. Last name, Fong."

* * *

"Why?!" Evan asked again, flustered as they drove back to Jonathan's house in the pouring rain that was making the road nearly invisible in front of them. It was coming down hard.

"Because, now you'll feel obligated to buy me dinner again. Or cook me something." He shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant about the ordeal, trying not to smile like an idiot.

"You are such a sneaky little bastard."

"I try." He laughed.

* * *

"Oh my god, you got the last season of Parks & Rec? I've been wanting to watch it again so bad." Evan came running back down the hallway in some of Jonathan's pajama pants and a Basically t-shirt, fumbling with the box of discs clutched tight to his chest. "You don't understand how much this show means to me, man. Can we watch it?"

Jonathan stared up at him from his sofa and let his head rest on his hand. He was honestly the most adorable person he'd ever laid eyes on, the way he stood there with such hope in his brown eyes like a child wanting to open a Christmas present a day early. Evan smiled down at him, "Please?"

"Anything you want."

"Yes!" Evan shoved his arms in the air, triumphant, treating the box in his hand like Simba from the Lion King, holding it high above head before scuttling over to the tv and slipping the first disc in. The music played and Evan sank onto the couch beside him with a outrageously happy look on his face and it lasted for the rest of the night. They went through two bowls of popcorn and an entire bar of chocolate and Jonathan found himself with his head resting on Evan's lap, his long legs stretched out along the sofa. He really didn't want the show to end because he smiled every time Evan laughed so hard he couldn't breath. It shook him to his core and it filled him with such a sense of comfort and his chest felt full.

It was two and half hours later and he was almost falling asleep to the fingers that were running lazily through his hair as he lay there. It was nice, having someone there, someone that knew his deepest darkest thoughts and what colors he saw when he closed his eyes and why he cried sometimes when he was alone.

"Delirious."

"Hm?"

"Let's go to bed."

"M'kay." He said, but he didn't move. Not until Evan was standing and pulling him to his feet, guiding him down the hallway to his bedroom. Jonathan fell to his sheets like a sack of potatoes and Evan threw a blanket over him before retreating to the door. He looked back one more time and said, "Goodnight."

He grinned when he didn't get a response, so he closed the door with a gentle click and walked across the hall to the guest bedroom where he stared at the ceiling for another hour before he finally fell asleep.

* * *

Jonathan woke to the smell of bacon and the sound of the music and it was the best feeling in the world. It reminded him of being young and waking up on the weekends to good food and the local radio show. He slid out of the bed and ran his hands through his bed head and shuffled his feet down the hall where he heard a pretty voice singing out of tune to the music. When he rounded the corner to the kitchen the sight before him was one that he wanted to keep forever.

Evan was shirtless and the grey pajama pants were hanging loose around his tan hips. Jonathan snapped a mental image and was quickly reminded of other images that were burned into his brain. The one of him sliding to the end of that hotel bed and slipping his fingers beneath the fabric of Evan's briefs, pulling them down and taking him in his mou-

"Good morning." Evan said, pulling him from his thoughts. He glanced back at him for a moment with a sweet smile before turning back to scrambling eggs.

"Smells amazing in here." Jonathan stretched and gave a yawn as he sat down at the bar, letting his eyes wander again over that smooth delicate skin that had him biting at the inside of his cheek.

"Consider this me returning the favor for you paying for my hotel." Evan caught his eye. " _Again_."

Jonathan tapped his finger against the counter and grinned. "Okay.

Evan dumped the food on to two plates and poured them both some cold orange juice before he took a seat beside him.

"Thank you, kind sir." Jonathan bumped him with his elbow.

"Don't mention it, beautiful." Evan said and laughed when Jonathan almost choked on his drink.

* * *

They played Mario Kart on his old Nintendo 64 until their friendship was at stake. Then they agreed to swimming to cool off their rage.

"Seriously, though. Monopoly and Mario Kart are the two games that test how strong friendships are. You either help each other out for the sake of beating the others or you stab each other in the back. It's kind of sick if you think about it." Evan giggled as they swam circles around each other in the pool. He was wearing an old pair of Luke's swim shorts that he'd left at Jonathan's. They had palm trees on them and it didn't surprise him one bit.

"Nah, Goldeneye is the true test of friendship." Jonathan countered and threw a leaf out of the pool. "I legit lost a friend over that game when I was six years old. His name was Parker and he still gives me a funny look when I see him around."

Evan laughed harder than he wanted to, "That's so sad. I'm sorry."

Jonathan propped himself up on a float. "Don't be. I never was the kind of person to keep friends. Once they realized how weird I was they just kind of let themselves out."

Evan looked sympathetic at first but then he swam up to him and grinned against the float. "I swear we're the same person."

Jonathan snorted, "I feel really really bad for you then."

"Shut up. You know what I mean." Evan said and let his fingers trace over the tattoo on Jonathan's shoulder, the one he had let his tongue roam over at some point. His mind somehow neglecting to remember until right then, lighting an inconvenient fire inside of him. He hoisted his upper half on to the float beside him and they relaxed in the water, the sun nearly putting them to sleep with the breeze and the sounds of distant wind chimes. Evan opened his eyes again and Jonathan's skin was dry, the water gone and he let his lips wander too close and he was pressing his mouth to the soft skin of his shoulder. His nose brushed against him and he pulled away only to let his wet fingers leave trails across his back.

Jonathan turned his head and opened his drowsy eyes and in the sun they were unreal, like how the water was blue. So blue and he stopped himself from staring by slipping down into the pool again, but Jonathan was right behind him beneath the water following him to the shallow end. Evan watched him surface and felt a sudden sharp ache in his gut, the urge to touch his fair skin littered with tattoos and colors that he'd wanted to ask about since the first time he saw them.

"Come on." Jonathan said and walked straight past him and up the steps out of the pool, his shorts clinging to his legs. He shook his hair and made his way to his two-swing swing set and got comfortable while Evan put himself into the to swing beside him. They were facing the woods in the distance and the wind was blowing them dry as they started to swing, picking up speed. It was calming, the weightless feeling of rushing forward and falling back. No sounds but the air travelling past their ears and each other's occasional laugh.

Evan looked over at him swinging, looking peaceful and perfect, and there was a question on the tip of his tongue. Jonathan's phone rang from the back porch and he watched him jump from his swing and jog over to it. The question would have to wait.

Jonathan answered, "Sup broski?"

"Not much, wienershnitzel." Troy said in greeting. "Listen, I want you and your super fine dude to come down to the shop whenever you're done doing what you're doing. I got something I want to show you."

"Sure. As long as it's not another one of your brilliant ideas like the time you attached a leaf blower to your skateboard."

Troy laughed, "No, no. Nothing like that. That was so awesome though, until I almost ran over that cat and ended up with glass in my elbow. Yeah. Anyway! Just come down here, dude."

"Okay, we'll be over in a bit." Jonathan hung up and he heard Evan behind him. He turned to find him closer than he expected, tan skin exposed for miles and he really just wanted to touch. He curled his fingers in so he wouldn't.

"Where we going?" Evan asked, leaning against the wood railing.

"Troy wants us to come down to the shop. Are you down with that?"

He nodded, "Yeah, sounds good. Wanna head over now?"

"May as well. He'll just keep pestering me if we don't." Jonathan said with a laugh and they went inside to change into actual clothes before loading up in his Jeep and heading back into town.

* * *

The shop doors were rolled down when Jonathan pulled into the lot and he had a feeling Troy had planned something stupid or horribly embarrassing. "Let's get this over with."

Evan fell into step beside him, slipping his hand into his, catching the smile lighting Jonathan's face. "So, is that normal?"

"What?" Jonathan looked over at him, "Me suspecting that's he's got the entire shop filled with heart balloons and has himself dressed as a candy gram and is going to sing as soon as we step inside to make it look like I'm the one who set it all up? Yes, that's totally normal and definitely something he would do. So I apologize in advance for whatever happens."

Evan laughed, "Apology accepted."

He followed Jonathan through the front door and they stopped when they saw Troy and Luke standing there with suspicious smiles on their faces. Jonathan went to speak, but Troy held up a finger and walked to the driver door of Jonathan's Mustang and stuck his head in. He turned the key in the ignition and the engine roared to life. Evan watched the look on Jonathan's face go from confused to complete disbelief. It was adorable and he stood to the side, smiling, while Jonathan threw himself around Luke who laughed and hugged him like a best friend should.

"I can't believe you idiots did this." He mumbled against his shoulder before he pulled back and let Troy wrap him in a hug and lift him off his feet.

"We just thought you deserved something nice. I know you've been dealing with some things, but you're still one of my best friends and I just want you be happy." Troy put him down on his feet. "So I called Luke yesterday and he came over, called in a few of his buddies, had some parts rushed over and we stayed up all night fixing your baby up. She runs like she's brand new. All we gotta do now is prime her and paint her."

Luke clapped a hand on his shoulder, "Figured you'd want to take her for her first spin. Maybe show Evan some of Carolina's back roads?"

Jonathan grinned and looked back at Evan, the question sitting firmly on his tongue but he didn't need to ask. Evan smiled and gave him a short nod of approval and Jonathan took a deep breath. The feeling he got every time he looked at him was building and it was only getting worse. He could feel pent up words on his mind and he needed to say them and he always talked better when he was looking out at the road. He could ramble that way and not feel like there were eyes on him, judging. It was now or never, so he thanked his friends one more time and hopped in the driver's seat. Evan settled next to him and they pulled out onto the road and drove.

The disillusion was swept away when Jonathan smelled the old exhaust fill his nose. The wind slithered between his fingers as he let his arm hang from the window and he was taken back to the times when it was his grandfather sitting behind the wheel instead, telling him stories, smoking on a cigarette.

He loosened his grip on the wheel and relaxed and he said it at the same time Evan did, "Can we talk about it?"

They laughed and Jonathan nodded, "Yeah, I know we were supposed to be starting over and everything. But it's been on my mind every day since it happened and I think we should talk about it, rather then act like it didn't happen. Because I know we're both biting our tongues."

Evan pulled a leg up in his seat, "You have no idea."

"I think I do." Jonathan glanced at him, catching that dark gleam to his eyes and he recognized it from the way he'd looked down on him that night. Hovering above him like a god and he could still feel his legs tingling. He turned his eyes back to the road, feeling words making their way out. "So . . . I have never been one to just up and go somewhere that I've never been before. I mean, I'm outgoing. I like to do things spur of the moment but that's just at home and around town. You know, a place I know and people I know. But with Boston, I talked myself into that and I was surprised I didn't talk myself  _out_  just as fast. I usually do. I can't tell you how many times I told myself to just suck it up and go to the cons with you guys. I've lost count. It's stupid and I don't regret going to Boston because I got to meet you, I got to know you and I didn't have to give up who I was. And figuring out that you found me interesting and you thought I was different . . . that meant everything to me. Because I've had this thing for you for . . . I dunno. Years, I guess and I've always wanted to meet you. Just you because you've always understood me. You understand my stupid side, my slurred speak, and my perversion. Nobody else does and I've always held that close, I cherish that."

He paused and looked out at the trees as they passed by, going down an empty road that stretched out ahead of them for miles, "You mean everything to me, Evan. I can't express that enough. I can't tell you how good you are and how you made me feel those three days. The way you spoke about me,  _Delirious_ , not knowing you were talking to him. The way you looked at me, the way you smiled. The way you kissed me. The way you had me against the fucking wall . . .  _shit_."

Jonathan's words trailed off with his thoughts and Evan laughed beside him, "Best sex I've ever had. You were so loud and that made it a million times hotter. Seriously, Jonathan, I can't explain how any times I couldn't sleep because of you."

"I'm sorry." He saw the old abandoned water tower in the distance that he used to climb with Luke after school and took an old dirt road off the highway to get to it. The sun was dropping lower in the sky as he lead the car through the twists and turns and under the low hanging branches of the woods. "The last thing I wanted was to hurt you. I just didn't know how to deal with it. I usually don't know how to deal with anything pertaining to relationships which is why I've hardly ever had any."

He pulled the car over near the water tower and Evan was eyeing it through the windshield. "Can we climb that?"

Jonathan smiled and let himself out. "Come on."

Evan followed him to the old metal ladder and looked at him, unsure. "Is this still stable or am I going to die today?"

"It's fine, trust me. I still come out here every now and then and it's still as secure as the day it was built." Jonathan reassured him and he started to climb the high tower. This was the only place where heights didn't bother him because he felt so at ease with the world when he could see the it displayed in every direction around him. He reached the top and held his hand out for Evan, pulling him up.

Evan looked around as they sat high above the tree tops. He could see Greensboro's buildings far off in the distance and the clouds were painting themselves orange, fading into pink, then purple as the sun fell. It was beautiful and Jonathan was pulling him down with him and they sat with their feet dangling over the edge, their arms resting on the railing in front of them.

"This is nice."

"Mm." Jonathan hummed his agreement and he watched as Evan moved his arm over closer to his. Jonathan extended his fingers and Evan ran the tips of his own over his hand. It kind of tickled but it was sweet.

"I . . ." Evan started but stopped as he looked out at the horizon, the sun had left and the sky was darkening even faster. "You said you meant every word."

Jonathan leaned against him, "I did. I still do."

Evan kept his eyes on the clouds, "I wish I'd known it was you, that my best friend a thousand miles away was the guy that I dreamed about night and day. You were amazing. You  _are_  amazing and I really don't want any of this to end."

"It doesn't have to." Jonathan turned his head and rested his chin on Evan's shoulder. He stared at the side of his pretty face as he went through something in his mind. "What is it?"

Evan gave a light laugh and swallowed. "I just wish I'd known that I was in love  _you_  these past few months. But when I think about it, I think I already was. Before all of this. Before Boston. You're just . . ."

Jonathan grabbed his face and turned it before he placed a careful kiss on his lips. Evan sighed into it and shifted until he was facing him and cupping his jaw, pulling him as close as he could get without consuming him. It was everything he remembered and it was everything he'd ever need. Jonathan tilted his head, opened his mouth, inviting him in and Evan let his tongue fill him. The kiss was heated, on the verge of desperate and then fingers were tangling in hair and gasps rang out into the empty air around them.

Evan hands were about to find their way up his shirt but Jonathan stopped him and pulled away with a grin. His lips were wet, red, and swollen and Evan wanted to take him right then and there. He didn't care if they were on top of a water tower in the middle of nowhere.

"Let's get down." Jonathan suggested breathlessly.

"Why?" Evan asked and kissed at his jaw, loving the way he sighed.

"Because if you keep it up I'm going to start shaking and then I won't be able to climb down." Jonathan giggled. "Have you ever tried to climb something with weak legs?"

"No."

"It's impossible." He sucked in a breath when Evan bit down lightly on his collar bone. "Please, Evan."

"Alright." Evan said and placed a quick wet kiss on his lips before he stood and pulled him to his feet. Evan went first, so if Jonathan fell he had a chance of stopping him. But he didn't fall, he made it safely down and Evan had him up against the Mustang in a matter of seconds of his feet hitting the ground. His mouth was on his, licking his lips open and Jonathan was trying to open the car door but failing so Evan did it for him. He pushed the passenger seat forward.

Evan let his hand slide beneath Jonathan's shirt, lifting it up and above his head and Evan made quick work of his own clothes. Their socks and shoes and jeans were in a pile on the trunk of the car while they slipped into the back seat where the night swallowed them whole and there was nothing but the chirping of the crickets as testimony to the revelations happening in the classic car parked in the woods.

Jonathan was in Evan's lap tilting his head up to kiss him better. Evan was pulling his hips down, rolling his own against him. The air was hot and muggy and Evan's hands felt clammy against Jonathan's skin as he pushed at his briefs until he took the hint a pulled them off himself. Evan lifted his ass and Jonathan pulled his boxers down his toned legs, settling between them. He locked eyes with Evan before he let his lips close over his cock, wetting him with a practiced tongue, watching the man's head fall back against the leather. Evan threaded his fingers through Jonathan's hair, gently rocking his hips up in motion with the smooth bobbing of his head but pulled him off when it started feeling too good and wiped the spit from his lips.

"Get up here." He said, his voice strained and needy.

Jonathan crawled into his lap, standing on his knees as Evan wet his fingers and gazed up at him. Jonathan's nails found flesh beneath them when Evan worked his fingers in slow until Jonathan was shaking above him. Evan pressed kisses against his stomach and when he was on his third finger he took them back, hands settling on Jonathan's waist. He lowered himself down, lining up with Evan, mouth hanging open against Evan's forehead as he fought past the initial burn.

He gently started moving, working him self down onto him until he was past the pain and fully seated in his lap. He let out the breath he'd been holding and Evan pulled him in, kissing him languidly, his tongue distracting him from the uncomfortable slide as he rolled his hips. He kissed him dry until Jonathan's body adjusted to him again and his cock was gliding hard against the muscles of his belly. They worked in tandem, thrusting when the other pulled away, getting smoother each time. It was more than either could stand and Evan was clawing at his back, slamming him down and Jonathan was a moaning mess, sweat beading against the tattoo on his chest. It glistened and Evan felt it each time he hit the right spot. Jonathan let out the prettiest noise when he did.

Evan could sense it coming, tingling at the tip of his fingers and toes so he slowed his hips and pushed Jonathan down harder instead, pulling him up just as slow, torturing himself until Jonathan took himself in his hand. Evan thrust into him as hard as his body would allow and started to lose it when Jonathan let out a disturbingly beautiful broken sound as he came between them.

"Shit . . . holy shit . . . god, Evan." He shook with his eyes closed tight. Evan couldn't hold it off any more, so he picked up his pace until he felt his thighs going weak with the pleasure that was pooling in between his thighs. It hit him and he sucked in a breath, letting out a moan that made Jonathan dig his fingers into him and ride him through it.

"Fuck . . . Jonathan." Evan felt like he was hyperventilating, but Jonathan took his face in his hands and stroked his cheek, ran his fingers through his hair and Evan said it. He looked him in his blue eyes, the ones he'd memorized over three short days. "I love you."

He saw the white of Jonathan smile in the dark car before he said, "I love you, too."

Jonathan felt the laugh crawl up and out of his throat and the absurdity of the entire situation made it even worse to the point where Evan was rolling in laughter with him. But they were okay with it, okay with the fact that they had just fucked for the second time in the back seat of Jonathan's car in the middle of the woods. Evan wouldn't change it for anything. He wouldn't trade Jonathan's fingers tracing lines up his neck as he drove them home, not for anything.

And as they lay curled up in his blue blankets after another round, Evan thought it was pretty hilarious how it took a big lie, a lot of alcohol, and a decent amount of time spent staring at their respective ceilings to get them to this point.

He was smiling about it while he touched Jonathan's pale face, touching the pout of his lip until he opened his eyes and asked him, "What?"

"Nothing." Evan muttered and pressed a kiss into the palm of his hand. "I just want you know that this isn't just about the amazing sex we're having, or all the great sex we will have in the future. This is about me and you and how I think we should've been together a long time ago and how sorry I am and I how much I love you."

Jonathan broke into a smile that lit up the dim room, until he laughed. "No, it's totally about the sex. Don't lie."

"I would never." Evan grinned and bit at his lip. "I'm serious."

"I know." Jonathan let his hand travel lower past Evan's belly button, smirking.

Evan kissed at his face and moved closer. "It's going to be nice waking up knowing you'll still be here."

"Wow, way to ruin the moment." Jonathan said and Evan laughed so loud it probably woke the neighbors.

* * *

"So." Jonathan said when he woke to the light coming in through the window. "Have I been rocking your socks off these past few days?"

Evan wrapped his limbs around him and said sleepily, "My socks have been so rocked that I don't even know where they are anymore."

"You can just wear mine."

"Yesss. I want the Captain America ones. You know, the ones that come up to your knees."

"Fine." Jonathan giggled and pulled the cover around them tighter and he was about to fall asleep again when he heard his Skype going off on his computer. He sighed and threw the covers back and slid into his chair before he answered the call.

"Heyyyy, man. How's it going?" Tyler asked and Jonathan shook his head with a smile when the other guys joined the call.

"What's up?!" Lui waved and Nogla poked his head up from behind him. Craig was wiggling his eyebrows and Marcel was laughing. Brock and Brian were just sitting back enjoying the show.

"It's going good. What do you bitches want?" Jonathan said and ruffled up his filthy bed head.

"Just wanted to know how everything went." Tyler shrugged. "Is Evan there?"

Before Jonathan could speak he saw Evan's hand shoot up in the air behind him on camera, "Yes, I am here."

Craig squinted, "Delirious . . . are you naked?"

Jonathan looked down and back up with a sly grin, "It's a very big possibility."

They all laughed and Marcel raised his voice, "Evan is he naked?!"

Evan lifted his head so they could see him, "He's naked."

"Are  _you_  naked?"

"One hundred percent." Evan laughed when they groaned and made gross gestures that they didn't mean.

"Well, we didn't mean to interrupt anything. Just wanted to check up on you guys and see how you were doing." Tyler smiled.

"We appreciated it. Thanks for being there for us, for me. I love you guys." Jonathan put his hand over his heart and the boys mimicked him and said their goodbyes for the day.

"You losers take care, we'll holla at yo gay asses later."

"Bye." Jonathan closed the call with a smile and turned to find Evan sitting up in the bed waiting for him with an adorable sleepy look on his face. He walked over and fell against him back into the soft sheets and noisy springs and he'd be okay if they never got out of the bed.

 

**-END-**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Stay tuned for more stories. (:


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